TV Licence

  1. We have no TV licence.

  2. We have no TV.

  3. We do not watch TV programmes on line.

  4. We have a computer with broadband connection.

  5. We are receiving letters from the TV licensing authorities requesting access for an “inspection” visit.

  6. We do not intend to let them in.

Any advice on how to persuade them, when they get a search warrent, that we do not watch TV on line?

Where is a good source of sharpenned bamboo stakes and what is the best cover for our trap as it is under the Magnolia tree and we need access for the postman and our delightful upstairs neighbour and her plumber?

I didn’t realise broadband came under the remit of the T.V. licencing authority - I went to this individual’s site and he concludes that:

it appears that the actual use of a computer to watch television programmes delivered by the Internet, and originating within UK jurisdiction, requires a TV licence. There are some who believe that there is a difference between downloading and storing material, and watching it in real time by streaming. While there may be differences as regards intellectual property law, there does not appear to be a difference for licencing purposes.

I guess trying to persuade them that you do not watch BBC programmes on your computer would be akin to a television owner using the ‘but I only watch ITV line’ - you are technically capable of watching BBC content and this is enough justification for them to insist that you are licensed.It’s kind of weird having ‘auntie’ BBC going all Stasi on your ass!

Thanks, what about the bamboo and cameoflage?

Using vietcong style guerilla tactics might escalate the situation Jetstream. The licensing inspectors will probably feel compelled to draw upon the full resources of the state to ensure that you are unable to set a dangerous precedent by watching ‘masterchef’ and the like without a licence.

If you were victorious, your success might cause a ‘domino effect’ throughout the land, thousands of people, inspired by your resistance, would not pay their licence fee - thus depriving the BBC of the resources it needs to make artistic and cultural triumphs like ‘Eastenders’.

However, if you do intend on taking this course of action, I advise you to start digging an elaborate system of tunnels, well stocked with supplies - enough to allow you to sustain an insurgency campaign lasting ten years (roughly the time period it took the vietcong and NVA to dislodge the U.S. from south Vietnam).

Simple solution is to place your sharp stick at your rear entrance and send the inspector there, on the pretext that your front door doesn’t work. This is assuming you have a rear entrance. I also recommend lubricating said stick for added penetrative capability.

This way the lady upstairs gets her plumbing safely seen to via the front entrance.

Thanks Sid, for the tunnelling advice, we had not got to that yet, the fact is though that we DON’T “set a dangerous precedent by watching ‘masterchef’ and the like without a licence” - We really do not watch TV at all, anything. Seems a bit drastic to dig in.

Lovely idea, thanks for the suggestion. Unfortunately we do not have a rear entrance to play with.

Might suggest to them something to do with their own rear entrances if they come round when we are at home. (So far the notices keep being delivered when we are out, saying “We said we’d call, and we have” etc - quite menacing).

Thanks again

Yes Jetstream - it is annoying - I totally believe that you never watch the medium - unfortunately the BBc is rather conceited on this issue and can’t seem to get it’s head around the fact that some people actually have better things to do with their time than watch TV. The automatic presumption towards ‘guilt’ is rather unfortunate. You have my sympathy mate! :wink:

hire John Mcaleese and Eddie Stone for the day, I dont think the police would get passed them:)

Who do they think they are? The Krays?!p.s. top marks for getting the word ‘pachiaderm’ into a post! :wink:

Well two can play at that. You should put an equally menacing sign up on your front door saying “IF YOU ARE A TV LICENCE INSPECTOR AND YOU KNOCK ON THIS DOOR OR LEAVE A NOTE, I WILL KILL YOU.” It works for me.

Thanks for that, might try one tied round the German Shepherd’s neck, too.

Thanks Easy Rider, we`ve printed a note to that effect to hang round our patrolling German Shepherd attack dogs neck.

Shhhhhh Sid, mums the word, Mrs Jetstream doesnt know Ive pumped out the old shelter from the Cuban missile crisis (replete with Buena Vista Social Club on 78s) Ive dug a new entrance under the new wardrobes protected by a pit of "Spitting trouser snakes". Havnt told Mrs JS as she`s very law abiding.

But seriously we dont watch TV and need advice on what to do if they come round when shes home alone.

You’ll need that notice printed in all of the accepted languages of the EC if your not to fall foul of the Health and Safety police.

Better if it’s also in Braile in all of those languages.

You will need to train the dog not to attack immediately to give the visitors a chance to read the warnings as well.

Then there’s the problem of those that need to follow the words, slowly, with their fingertips while their lips sound out the words. The dog may have to be tollerant.

If the inspector signed the note legibly and has a slightly unusual name, you can trace where they live on then you can hand deliver the notes back to them to tell them in person that you don’t have a tv. I’m sure 40 or 50 of us would be happy to come with you to give you “moral support”.

Welcome back! We`ve started a new thread searching for traces of your presence.

Your advice is a welcome ray of sunlight through the skylight of these dark summer days.

Do you know where we can get a Braille punch to make the notices. Louis would be proud of you.

Tell all where have you been, everyone wants the full SP.

Well i blame tv licensing for the fact that we can’t delete duplicate posts like the one that used to be here. Part of an elborate conspiracy, no doubt.

Thanks for your response and “moral support”

They won’t get a search warrant and you’re not obliged to let them in or even talk to them. Ignore the letters, they will never stop but like a dog with no teeth, carries on biting even when it has no effect.