I am truly sad to say that I am running out of options with regard keeping my nearly 10yr old daughter in line. The only reason I have control in extreme cases of trouble is cause she’s scared she’s gonna get a good hiding from me.
Its horrid having your most precious scared of you at times. And the day she gets a good hiding will be the day we as parents have run out of tactics. Dont get me wrong, no harm ever came from giving y’kids a good hiding (you know what I’m talking about before the Nurks start). The trouble is that I used to get a fecking good hiding from some of the staff that looked after me as a kid and I dont remember it ever stopping me? I used to get a whooping for stuff like swearing, or playing the piano that was in our house? I’m not sure what the point of slippering a 4yr old for playing the piano was, but that can be professional child care for you:blink:
My daughter is a great kid and we obviously love her to bits, but she is constantly doing stuff that is intolerable. The problem is actually the future. If we cant keep her on side now at 9yrs old, what will we be dealing with when she’s 15yrs old and as big as me?
I dont know how bigger part puberty is playing in all this, her body is changing so fast. But she treats her mum, little brother and friends terribly. She’d treat me the same way but she knows I’m always on top of her games.
What do you do when you’re running out of options? We lavish them with love, we reward the better behaviour. Both our kids are materialistically quite spoilt I guess. But its a material life we live in now days.
The knock on effect of all this is of course our 4.5yr old seems to think that he’ll try it on too. At least he can see that the bad behaviour wont be tolerated…
What the phuck do you do as a parent in these situations?
If you feel she is being led astray- cancel her friends ( ground her)
If you feel the influence is coming from the Television- remove the TV
Insisit that all punishments are carried out- always
Too many people believe bad behaviour is acceptable and has no consequences. If you threaten to cancel christmas- you had better be preparred to do it and mean it!
Tis cancelled m8. I dont give idle warnings. Her birthday is in Feb. Thats the next thing on the line.
I didn’t have kids to beat the poo outa’em. Apart from the caning I got in front of the whole of my year in school, its never stopped me. But TBH I cant be sure that it was that whoopin or I grow’d then?
It will be interesting to see what happens now with family and friends that dont agree with the way we’re dealing with this. They have all been told no presents for her. Sounds like the makings of a feud or 3!
Oh dear poor you sneaky…i have the same problems with my 10 year old lad,The simplest thing is as said before take away all her fave things even empty her bedroom that worked a treat for me i made sure he’s seen me put everything…even his beloved ps2 in the wheelie bin:D(just take them out the bin when they are at school or not looking)i put a behaviour chart on the fridge and rewarded him when he had a good day…it takes time but you will start to see results:D
Gosh ! Cancelling Christmas ! you are brave ! good luck ! x
Not sure what to suggest as do not have kids ,but i know they can be nightmares !
What about doing the no presents thing ,but if family want to buy her some thing maybe they could get the " cows and things " little catalogue which has worthwhile helpful cows ,goats ,chickens ,seeds etc in and things for people in third world countries . They send the cows and things out to where needed and they send you a card with what you have given on .Maybe this would help her appreiciate what she and her friends have and probably take for granted ?
When my stepson was about 9 he could be a right little $h1t. believe me !
You gotta hit 'em where it hurts (and I don’t mean kick them in the head!) we used to put his PS2 on top of the wardrobe for a number of nights - as this was where he spent his free time at the time we was particulary miserable, he eventually got the point though.
With my daughter being 4 I have it all to come again :unsure:
Punishment that fits the crime and make it stick. Worst thing is to give in. I’ve got 4&7 year olds. PS2/PC/TV banned. My dad leathered me if I needed it, but never in anger and never for small things. I still love and respect him enormously. He was always firm, but fair, and worked his butt off so we could have the best he could give materially, which was not a huge amount, but the love was.
I’m no expert, but I think that’s your problem right there. She’s not learning the real value of things, and how to respect other people. It’s got to be the complete opposite from now on, until she changes her attitude.
As someone who was an absolute nightmare as a child… when i mum told my sister who was 7 years older than me that she was pregnant with my brother (who is 3 years younger than me) she cried…I was awful and too be honest, the only thing that frightened me, was the threat of a hiding from my 'arl fella…
In terms of christmas… I never had it cancelled, but one christmas, I came running downstairs thinking I’d have loads of pressies as you are at christmas, really excited… and I had a massive one… opened it up.
a sack of coal.
Thats all I got, nothing else. My mom and dad didnt cave in and buy me anything. They kept all the pressied everyone else had bought me and gave them to me 6 months later, but from them, I got nothing until next christmas.
For me the changing point came in Year 6. I’d just moved to a new school and I was getting into stupid amounts of trouble, fighting every day and i spent more time outside of the class in detention or the head teachers office than I did inside of the classroom… to the extent that my teacher called my parents into school to tell them how bad i was… they knew and they told her to do what ever she wanted to me… i remember once instance where I’d forgotten my library books for the umpteenth time, and she took a black marker and wrote in huge letters down my whole arm, LIBRARY BOOKS. I’ve never forgotten one to this day.
in the end it was this teacher who “reformed” me. she was a no-nonsense scottish woman who was older and very strict and in the end she ground me down and got the good to come out of me. I’m not sure if it was also coupled with the fact that “I just grew up” too or what, but i do know that year 6 was when it all changed for me. I took an interest in school, i understood what i needed to do, to get my GCSE’s and what they meant in terms of allowing me to go to a top school for my A-levels and that… I know that I wouldnt be where I am now if it were not for her… so much so that I still send her a chrimbo card every year thanking her.
That said, it wasnt just school, I think that it was hugely important having my mom and dad around and having them support me. I don’t have kids and its hard for me to comment on how I’d treat the situation if I did have them…but what I would say is just keep trying to help her and don’t lose patience with her, it probbaly sounds insane saying that, but you just have to keep trying to “get through to her” and when you do, it’ll all be worth it… it certainly was for me.good luck with it all though, christmas is a really hard season when things are not going right, so i hope all goes well with you and the rest of the family.
I think Adz is right, while she is at school take away all her cool stuff, if she has a mobile (as many kids do) make sure she can only dial your number.
After a while of no TV, nothing to play with and no outside influence she will have time to reflect on things and will hopefuly realise that the world does not revolve around her.
I have had the same problem, my son is now 15 and doesn’t want to live with me any more because he can get away with more at his mum’s. Even though he has to cross most of South West London to get to school every day.
I tried the taking of psp, tv, dvd even radio away, all he had was books to read. Water off a duck’s back, didn’t work.
I copped a bad illness and told him in no uncertain terms to behave and give my wife (not his mum) some help and also that any extra stress could actually kill me. Made no difference.
So now he lives with is mum and doesn’t contact me or his freinds over or way at all, this has been the situation for about 6 weeeks now.
He has also decided he’s an athiest, so I won’t have to buy him any pressies anyway.
Have you ever sat down and talked (not lectured) with your daughter? asking her why she has done what she has done wrong, and if she can explain the impact that it has had on others.We took this route with our son from about 10/11 years of age, and found that getting him to talk about his actions and understand them has helped, he’s still not a saint but there has been a massive improvement, after talking with him, we would also ask him what he believed was acceptable as punishment and quite often he has been far strickter with his punishment than we would have been, and another benefit to this is the fact that we have become friends(sounds odd) and he will actually talk about other things that are going on in his life, that I am sure we would never have heard of previously, this gives us a chance to guide him on the correct choices before he has made the wrong ones…
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