Lord help us

I got stopped today going down the A4 by two police officers. A coloured guy and a young chap.

The young chap pulled me over into the clutches of the coloured guy. He said:

“You were going a bit quick there, did you notice the pedestrians on the side of the road?”

I said “yes officer I saw them, but I was only doing 32mph”
I was thinking, its fecking heaving with pedestrians, do you think I would hve been riding a bike if I was blind? And I wasnt speeding, the road was well wide with nothing on it and i was only a bitty bit over the 30.

Bobby 1 said “Thats very fast. However it doesnt matter we are doing counter terrorism checks”. I thought ‘its not as fast as the Porche that just went past you, but cool, at least they are on the Bin Laden thingy’. I felt assured with the old bill.

“Can I see your licence?” said copper 1. “Sure thing” said I. I went into my top box and plucked my wallet out, then retracted my Drivers Licence. Cop 1 took it and studied it.

“It this a polish licence?” said cop 1. I thought ‘Do I look polish? and can you see that big UK stamp in the top left of it?’

“No its a UK licence” said I.

“Are you sure?” I proceeded to point to the UK stamp.

“Oh, never seen one of those before” said cop 1. I was confused. “its a new licence” I said “its just been endorsed and replaced”.

“Oh I see. Is this your bike?”


“What make is it?”

“Its a Yamaha”

“Good. 17th of what month?” Said cop 1. I looked confused.

“I’m sorry?”

“Your birthday, the 17th of what month?”

“Actually its a 20th July. 1974” I said, thinking, what is this guy on?

“Oh yes so it is I thought it said the 17th ho ho ho” By now I was imagining a leagion of taliban crossing the road next to me and the officer not blinking an eye.

Cop 2 ran the usual checks by radio and the lady on the other end said registered owner is [me] and read out my address.

Cop 1 pointed to the same address on my drivers licence and asked “Is this your address?”

“Yes it is”, frowning.

“Your current address?”

“Yes” Through partially gritted teeth

They then started chatting between themselves about another group of officers chasing a shoplifter while I tapped my fingers thinking of the meeting they were maing me late for.

The lady on the radio then reported an RTA between a motorbike and a van nearby (hope it wasnt one of you lot, and best wishes for the rider in general)

Then they sent me on my way. I left then with a cursuory “have a good afternoon!” to which cop 2 said “I’ll try!” with a wry smile. Top lad.

I near on wept when back on the bike that a muppet like this can be protecting our contry from taliban (and thought of the biker int he RTA) this guy realy had a stupid demeanor - know what I mean?. Dont want to tar the met with the same brush, but if this guy passed police training and was assinged a new officer to train ( a chap who obviously had his wits about him), I really do despair…


im with you on that…

they seem to waste a lot of our time with these checks… i got pulled over a few months ago, i was asked why i was riding a bike that wasnt registered, (new bike with company trade plate) i infomed the officer it was brand new and i was performing a standard road test, he got cobby with me and asked why my mechanic wasnt testing it, i told him that he was busy and it was completley irrelevent who should be riding it, anyhoos that didnt go down too well and he got really arsy with me, i was soon on my way…

I’m glad i’m not the only one. When he asked me if this was a polish licence, maybe i should have pointed out that i was wearing this helmet…



without wanting to open a can of worms or throw accusations, why did you feel the need to point out one was ‘coloured’ but no other adjectives? I’m assuming the ‘young chap’ you referred was white, why not use that as a descriptive? That way it fits the rest of the post such as one black guy, one white guy…or one young chap and one older chap…or one short white guy and one short asian guy etc etc

I just read it as setting the scene, it could just have well been a fat guy, blonde gurl, or stunning model like Ginger…Not important these days, Shirley, especially between Bikers.(and adding oblique or daft questions is a very good technique to catch liars.)

I don’t see the problem here… sounds like perfect textbook policing to me! lol!


Wow, didnt expect anyone to get taken back by my ad-hoc descriptions. No harm intended at all Shewoolf! Appologies if any offense :o

Redstar, from what you’ve described, this was pretty crappy mate.

I would say that the coppers that stopped you were not “Anti-Terrorist Police” as you called them but normal (of the useless and don’t know how to speak to the public variety) cops using prevention of terrorism legislation.

Sorry about all of this, but some of us are ok ! :ermm:

To be honest I’m thinking that if I suspected someone was a terrorist & I was trying to catch him out I’d be asking exactly the same sort of questions !

Think about it, you’ve been given a cover story & some fake documentation, you’ll have been run through the normal questions & practiced standard answers to them, then instead you get someone is asking things straight out of left field like “Is this a Polish licence ?”

You’ve not been trained for this, what do you say ? Is there a mistake on the documentation you’ve been given ? Are they on to me ?

Suddenly it’s not quite so simple, you’re feeling a bit flustered, a bead of sweat runs down the back of your neck…

Maybe I’ve just watched the Great Escape too many times ! :hehe:

Can opened, accusations thrown.

Perhaps for similar reasons to you chosing to make an issue of it publicly? Can’t help but think this would have been more judicioulsy done through the “PM” button.

Think of all that paper work time aswell!

Rubbish. I have not accused anybody of anything. I’m not offended by anything said - it was a genunie question. Maybe you should find your “PM” button instead of trying to make something out of nothing :angry:

No offense taken Redster, it was a very genuine question :slight_smile: It’s plain to see you were not being derogatory.

I believe some of us are more ‘sensitive’ to this than others, in particular those of us where the colour of our skin has been used to ‘group’ us. All too often, the only thing we are recognised by is our skin colour, not our height, age, weight, clothing, career etc etc. You only have to pick up any newpaper to see it - criminals are hardly ever described by their skin colour - unless they aren’t white.

Anyway, I’m not getting on my soapbox (well ok, maybe a bit!). As I said, I’m not offended in any way and am in no way trying to accuse you of anything :slight_smile:

what a bit of top quality policing, under the new guidelines to prevent the general public supporting their police, we have now implemented the ‘muppet’ approach its easy to apply and gets really good results, usually a good moan story down the pub that ends up with everyone having a great bad policing story. its a refreshing change to the good cop bad cop system we used for many years. and shortly New Scotland Yard will move to sesame street!!!

nice to read this will pass on the the bosses that the system works.

but seriously folks, were not all that bad !!!

You could have pointed out, just in a helpful, co-operative way of course, that Polish licences don’t usually have the letters U and K in the top left-hand corner…


When I was younger I was stopped on various occasions for driving (like a tit, usually :stuck_out_tongue: ) and the one thing I couldn’t criticise the police for was their professionalism or politeness. Even when I almost stuffed a minibus head on into a police Fiesta at some speed, the old copper who stopped me didn’t give me a ticket but explained what I had done wrong (I was 19 so didn’t really have a clue) and how I could drive more safely, but he wasn’t patronising or rude and that was the first time I’d ever considered how I drove and how I could treat driving as a skill, not something we all do automatically like eating. Quite an important moment in my driving career and infinately more useful (to me and everybody else !) than 3 points and a £60 fine which would have achieved nothing or probably made me even worse.

Sadly the Police are like any other organisation or group,you get good and bad,however if you listen to old bastards like me who think that standards are a lot lower and with discipline seeming to be a dirty word akin to bullying.When I joined in 1982 you still had to march and do parades every morning where you were inspected and punished for being a sack of sh1t.

Nowadays all of that has gone,some people might say for the better,in my opinion much for the worse.Rant over,feel better for that:D

I remember getting stopped for going “rather quick”. To say I was cacking myself was an understatement. I was definitely looking at a long stay away from home, where I would have no doubt ended up someone’s bitch.

The good old blokes must have seen that I was terrified though and let me off with a warning (as the motorway in question was empty).

I think it helped that they didn’t have any evidence too!

Sufficed to say I learned to calm down a bit after that, in spite of getting banned later that year.

Now the only time I go that quick is when I’m desperately trying to keep up with you lot! :smiley:

What’s wrong with holding polish licence, could you explain this to me?
BTW. I hold a UK licence :stuck_out_tongue: