Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants.
Some kids **** their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can **** his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris’ sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Chuck Norris?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s ******* beef.