High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower and letting someone else win.
Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.
A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.
Toberlone chocolate bars make ideal ‘toast racks’ for Ritz crackers.
Convince neighbours that you have invented a ‘SHRINKING’ device by ruffling your hair, wearing a white laboratory coats and parking a JCB digger outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night and replace the JCB unseen, with a Tonka toy of the same description. Watch their faces in the morning!
Open your bowels at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you’ll also be getting paid for it.
Feed bees oranges. Hey presto! They make marmalade instead of honey.
Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive theF**KIN’ things like dodgem cars anyway, so it may as well look like one!
