TIME TO ABANDON BRITAIN AS GREGGS BECOMES TOO EXPENSIVE

Off-topic
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BRITAIN is ‘well and truly, Geordie-lass-on-her-hen-night *****’ if people can no longer afford to eat at Greggs, financial analysts warned last night.

If people can’t afford Greggs, what the **** are they eating?
Profits have plummeted at the high street baker due to a combination of falling demand and a sharp increase in the cost of whatever it is they put in their pasties.

Tom Logan, meat and pastry analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "We’ve always used Greggs as a sort of base line for absolute poverty.

“At the moment things do seem to be hurtling downhill like Frank Spencer on a roller skate. If people can’t afford Greggs, then I would say we’re about six to nine months away from what I like to call ‘Mad Max 2’.”

But Greggs insisted it will work hard to retain its customer base by finding new and exciting animals to mince and, if necessary, installing boxing rings at the back of their larger stores.

A spokesman said: "We’ll toss in a ham and cheese slice, get two unwed mothers to scrap for it and charge a fiver at the door.

“We’ll also take a 10% commission from the local bookie. Our customers love nothing more than betting on a skank fight.”

Meanwhile Sainsbury’s has admitted the profit plunge at Greggs ‘does not bode well’ for its Taste The Difference range.

A spokesman added: “We may as well try shifting brithday cakes made of raw tripe with Cherie Blair’s face on them.”

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:smiley:

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I thought Greggs was just ****, and that is why no one goes there?

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They don’t sell Latte so i don’t go in :smiley:

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that’s cause they can’t put no lard in latte

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I recognize the words as being English…but…have no fecking idea what that article is on about.

Someone fill me in… :laugh:

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That’s pretty much what happens at the greggs in Stratford already, :stuck_out_tongue:

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Not a problem in Greggs, Woolwich. They can’t be ars*d to serve you.

Should get a British Heart Foundation medal for that.

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Gregman…Greggs is a small chain of stores that are a kinda…modern day bakery…they sell pastry’s of all kinds including hot and cold.all cooked in house.now the story is about how they benchmark all stores to greggs…so if Greggs is doing shite…then well…everything is doing shite…hope this helps…;).smiled:).

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Theyve always been expensive, i usually go to small bakeries as its cheaper and the food is better.

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And if your a total dimwit and nobody else would employ you…Greggs would:D well that seems to be true of most the ones i’ve visited oh and you even get added ingrediants like hair in yer pastys!:sick:

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That’s a top funny piece :slight_smile:

And Greggs don’t sell lardy cake :frowning: (in fact it seems no-one in the Slough area does - I have to go to my favourite bakery in Newbury to get decent lardy cake)

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I love lardy cake - but can’t get decent examples for love nor money - healthy eating do gooding to$$ers

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I’m off to Newbury this weekend - I can smuggle you some Lardy cake out if you like :slight_smile:

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Excellent…thanks, Smiled.And um…after a reading a few of the replies in this thread, I’ve decided not to even ask what a “lard pastry” is…Damn, I think I threw up a little in my mouth just THINKING about it. LOL

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Hehe… did you swallow it back down? that what a Greggs Pasty tastes like, that is… :stuck_out_tongue:

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Good roads round Newbury. Even (especially?) the A4 at night. I do like Lardy cake but haven’t had any for ages. I used to be right partial to Scottish Donuts as well for the sugar and carb rush. You needed a couple of Marlboro reds to get the heart rate back under control after eating one of those.

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The last person to leave please shutdown the server, and turn off the lights.

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You seem to know the routine Kev, which branch do you work in? Might come and visit you for a malted granary loaf:)

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Baker on the hight street in East Wittering do a superb lardy cake.