We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules:
Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
- Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that
- Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
- Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be
- Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!
- ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
- If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
- Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we
- ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
- If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
- If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really
- Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as: Sex, Sport, or Cars
- You have enough clothes
- You have too many shoes
- I am in shape. Round is a shape.