The rules-ladies, take note

Off-topic
1

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules:
Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

  1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that
  2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
  3. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be
  4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  5. Crying is blackmail.
  6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    JUST SAY IT!
  7. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
  8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
  9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
  10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
  11. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us
  12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
  13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
    Not both
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
  14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
  15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we
  16. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
    We have no idea what mauve is.
  17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
  18. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
  19. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear
  20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really
  21. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as: Sex, Sport, or Cars
  22. You have enough clothes
  23. You have too many shoes
  24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
2

A couple more for ya

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the questionaire together. No, it doesn’t matter which questionaire.

3

exelent, they are all completley rite!!

4

I know as a woman I should make some kind of comment but I can’t.

I love this, you’ve put alot of thought into it, well done!

5

Thats what I like to see. A woman that knows her place.
Now be a good girl and get the beers in will ya. Cheers luv

6

i think its cool!!!

think most of them apply to the girly girls!!!or blondes!!!

i always leave the seat up!!! i will get shouted at if i dont!!

7

Shut up you!!

8

no u shut up!!

easy easy easy easy

9

In reply to Danny/boy, reasons why being female is best

  1. We got off the Titanic first
  2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
  3. Taxis stop for us.
  4. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
  5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
  6. We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
  7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
  8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
  9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there
  10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
  11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
  12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
  13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
  14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems…
  15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren’t listening anyway.
10

Err…blondes ?? ok im heading to the chemist for a bottle of hair dye !! Now…shall i go for the “blue” or the “mauve” rinse ??? (that was a blonde comment wasnt it, oh god, theres no getting away from it…im from essex and blonde GAAAHHHHHH !!!)

11

Thanks joolz, please refer to rule number 1

“1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials”