Grasshopper and the Ant
OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to
know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
The BBC show up to provide pictures of theshivering
grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table
filled with food. Britain is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Panorama with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green.’
Lord Longford stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the
news stations film the group singing, ‘We shall overcome.’ Longford then has the
group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.
John Prescott & Ken Livingston exclaim in an interview with Radio 4
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both
call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs
and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Cherie Blair, ever present, gets her law firm to represent thegrasshopper in
a human rights suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
High Court judges that Tony Blair has appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens tobe the
ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now
abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in the next General Election:w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t:
:P:P:P:P:P