One for the football fans!
Most people know that The Proclaimers are massive Hibs fans and that their Sunshine On Leith is sung at games. Not so well known is that many years ago the brothers worked as groundsmen for the club. They got the sack after players complained that the grass was too long, the brothers blamed B&Q. because despite going to many stores they couldnāt get the appropriate equipment. The stores they visited included;
Lochaber no mower,
Sutherland no mower,
Lewis no mower,
Skye no mower,
Bathgate no mower,
Linwood no mower,
Methil no mower,
Irvine no mower.
Iāve been having a hard time this year because Iāve been out of work and I have no idea what I want to do to make a living. Iām trying to figure out what kind of work I can do thatās meaningful and will pay me a living wage. I was a massage therapist for decades and doing that kind of work was meaningful to me because I always knew I was helping people feel better. However, now that Iām so much older, my body canāt really handle doing the work anymore, especially since most people want deep tissue massage from a man.
I love working with my hands, so Iām hoping I can find something I can do to make money using my handsāsome kind of job that wonāt injure me or cause me any pain. In other words, what Iām trying to say is, Iām looking for another hand job.
Oh dearā¦
A frog goes to the bank to get a loan.
He goes to the cashier and says I would like a loan.
The cashier says we canāt give you a loan you are a frog.
The frog notices the cashierās nametag and pleads.
Please Mrs Knack I need it for a new lilipad.
The cashier replies. I am not sure I need to talk to manager, but it would help if you had some collateral.
Well says the frog I am adopted and my father is Mick Jagger, how about an autograph?
The Cashier didnt look impressedā¦
The frog pulls out a little pink elephant and says you can use this.
So Mrs Wack goes to her manager to check if the frog can get a loan.
Who is it?
Its me Patty - she says - there is a frog asking for a loan and she goes on to explainā¦
The bank manager asks what can the frog give for collateral . And so Patty hands over the pink elephant.
What is this? The bank manager asks surprised.
After some thought he says:
Itās a knick knack Patty Wack,
Give the frog a loan,
His old manās a rolling stone
This may come as a surprise to those not living in Las Vegas, but there are more catholic churches than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday Service will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many different casinos the churches have divised a method to collect the offeringsā¦The Churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed inā¦This is done by the Chip Monks!
My desire to spontaneously sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is always just a whim away.
Iām writing a book about a mĆ©nage a trois. Iāve put it in the third person
