New Stock Market Terms

Off-topic
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CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use

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:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

3

Spot on :D:D:D

4

Ha ha. Superb! :D:D

5

Straight from Chenster’s keyboard :wink:

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think we can say we are in a recession yet?

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Some countries already are in recession. More can only follow as new data are released. Here are some cheery Bloomberg headlines from today. These came from one screen. These aren’t cherry picked.

G-7 Gathers With Backs Against the Wall,' Weighs Plan to Guarantee Loans Cost of U.S. Crisis Response Is Ballooning, Along With the Deficit, Debt World Needs 1.5 Percentage Point Rate Cut to Avert Disaster, Roubini Says French Industrial Output Declines, Adding Evidence Economy Is In Recession Indian Factory Output Grows Least on Record on Interest Rates, Credit Woes IMF to Use Rapid-Fire’ Emergency Loan Program as Emerging Markets Buckle
EU Crippled in Crisis as 27 Governments Confront a Single Hobbled Economy
Greenspan Sees Housing Recovery in First Half of 2009, Says Credit to Thaw
U.S. Treasury Plans Bank-Stake Purchases Within Weeks to Shore Up Capital
Iceland Premier Haarde Tells Countrymen to Go Fishing After Banks Implode