Normal apologies if these have done the rounds of LB, but I thought they were worth passing on:
The Washington Post has an annual contest in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. And the winners are:
- Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
- Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
- Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
- Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash.
- Flatulence, n… Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
- Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
- Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
- Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
- Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
