jokes, post 'em here

Make me laugh. Post your best jokes.


There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will get this joke.

Heh, Von, are you also known as Sheldon? (Big Bang Theory) :slight_smile: (funny jokes btw :slight_smile:)

I love geeky jokes :slight_smile:

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year’s supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.
The Scotsman asks for a year’s supply of whisky; it’s given to him and he’s locked away.
The Irishman asks for a year’s supply of Guinness so he’s locked up with several thousand bottles of it.
The Englishman asks for a year’s supply of cigarettes and he’s given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.
One year later, the doors are all unlocked.
The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, ‘I’m free!’ and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.
The Irishman is dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.
When the door to the Englishman’s cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself.

To their surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he sees, and asks, ‘I say you wouldn’t happen to have a match, would you?’

I’d tell you a joke about UDP, but you might not get it.

There’s 10 kinds of people in this world. Those that get binary and those that don’t.

That binary joke… an oldie but a goodie

A man and his girlfriend were in a pub, after a couple of pints the man goes to the loo.  

When he gets back the GF is very upset. On asking what the trouble is she says “That drunk bloke over there came over while you were away and told me what he wanted to do with me”

“So what did he say”

“He told me he wanted to kiss me”

“Let me at him, I’ll punch his lights out”

“No, wait, there’s more - He wanted to fondle my ample breasts”

“I’ll kill the bastard”

“It got worse - he wants to turn me upside down, fill my fanny with Guinness and suck it out”

“Thank God you told me before I attacked him,  I can’t tackle a man who can drink that much Guinness!!!”



This made me laugh far more than it should have…