A man goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving
at him. She says"Hello!".
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.

So he says, ‘Do you know me?’

To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, ‘Are you the stripper from the bachelor party
that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
while your partner whipped my bum with wet celery?’

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s English
teacher. We met at the last parents’ evening”

Why have they never sent a woman to the moon?

It don’t need cleaning yet.

Who would win in a fight to the death
between John Terry and Joey Barton?

We all would.

Q. Why won’t England fans in Ukraine wear Y fronts?
A. Cos Chernobyl fallout


the other ones are rubbish by the way…