Sign on the door of a vet’s waiting room: “Back in five minutes. Sit… Stay!”

A sign over a gynaecologist’s office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix”

On the door of a plastic surgeon’s office: “We can help you pick your nose!”

At an optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a maternity room door: “Push. Push. Push.”

In the front yard of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

A sign in the non-smoking area of a restaurant: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

Outside a muffler shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

Ad on the side of a plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

Another slogan on the truck of a plumbing company: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

On an electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

Pizza shop slogan: “Seven days without pizza makes one weak.”