It's good to share: Your most inappropriate comment stories....

A neighbour went away for a weekend and asked me to “Keep an eye” on his teenage daughter and make sure there were no wild parties etc.

All I noticed was one of her friends coming and going (she was well endowed) but there were no problems to report.

Neighbour: Any problems?
BL : None at all. But who is your Sarah’s new friend?
Neighbour: New friend? Would did she look like?
BL: Pretty youngster. Blonde hair. Tits to die for.
Neighbour: Did I mention that Sarah has just dyed her hair blond?
BL: Errm, no you didn’t.

Teenage, you little rapey bastard!

How old? 15, 16?

LOL :smiley:

I have the tendency to ask my work colleagues if they liked the present before they’d new about it, giving away the surprise. It happened twice now :smiley:

Working in an office some years ago.

Her. Which odd looking man do you mean?

Me. Ah here he comes, look in the grey jacket.

Her. Thats my husband!

Me. Oh 'erm, nice day isn’t it:blush:

went to a mates house party once. knew him for a couple years but never been to his place. we got drunk and some hideously ugly bird started chatting to me. after she left I turned to my mate and said “fucking ugly **** isnt she”

He says " dunno bro, I dont see my sister like that"

Never was on great terms with him again… didnt go back to his place either :smiley:

at a mates birthday do, a woman walked in…

‘Strippers arrived’ I said.
‘That’s my Mum’ He said.

Many years ago when I worked in a shop, a lad I was working with told me to check out the woman in aisle 2, as she was a MILF.

It was my Mum :sick:

He wouldn’t believe me until I went and asked her what was for tea. :smiley:

was at a car cruise with some of my pals and a nice little blond goes up to my mate and asked him when hes going to buy her a car, he laughed and she walked off i said dam mate she wants you if your not interested id tap her. That’s when i see his face and the words “oi **** that’s my little sister” comes out his mouth (i will ad shes a year younger then him and me and him are 18 so all legal for my age lol)

he was giveing me dirty stairs for the rest of the night lol

A bloke I used to work with called us into the car park one day to show off his new car, an Audi TT. When we had all gathered round he waxed lyrical about how much it cost, the BHP figures, how it handled like on rails, I leave other cars for dust etc. After about 10 minutes of this and when he had ran out of superlatives there was a brief silence when I piped up ‘It’s a very feminine car isn’t it?’

He didn’t talk to me for a week.

My current wife has an identical twin, i have made some mistakes it must be said :pinch:

I was at a friends funeral , Did the thing ,went to the wake , As he would have wished it to be the wake turned into a serious lock in involving all the locals .After all he was a party man and musician and serious serial shagger .Even when lying dying in hospital he managed to get a nurse into the bed for a " one more before I go " . Anyways I caught the eye some young blonde bit of sort ,bailed her out of there while the going was good and the opportunity was presented , took her back to my hotel room , did the :exclamationmark::arrow::arrow::crazy::crazy::blink::blink::w00t: . I thought to myself Alec would approve of this funeral its had the lot . , afterwards small talk with the blonde ,“Why are you here?” she asks ," I came to my friend Alec,s funeral " I said …she replies " Ah did you know my father well ?" … :Whistling:

Num Num wins so far.:slight_smile:

I was in the office talking to Jaime about things to take to the ride to the Lake District. Half way through my colleague sat next to me and I just turned and said: “Jaime, do you think we need to take lube?”

He proceeded to spit his coffee out onto his desk :smiley:

Though the most embarassing was when I was in covent garden and a drunk girl approached

Drunk Girl: “Ιsn’t my friend good looking?”
Serrisan: “What do you want me to say, she’s ugly” (in greek)
Drunk Girl’s Friend: “You don’t have to be so cruel” (in fluent greek)

After living abroad, bump in to a school friend who I hadn’t seen for a good 5 years.

Me: Mate, good to see you, hows you? Hows your mum and dad?(His parents used to run my local football team)
Him: Sadly mum passed away but don’t worry, you didn’t know. Hows your mum and dad?
Me: Mums good but my Dad died last month
Him: Well this is awkward…

I’ll bet you did :stuck_out_tongue:

At a wedding some time ago…

Grooms mother starts giving a speech

I say “That woman is a right f0cking pain in the arse!” Evryone on the table agrees (because she was).

What I had forgot was a video camera had been set up behind me to film the top table…microphone ON! :sick:

…and the Groom (who was a pro cameraman) did the editing…:w00t:

Funny he never spoke to me much after that…

So true though!!!

I was tempted to look in the glovebox for the comb, curling tongs and scissors.