Two old bikers are in a bar. They both have had a successful life and have done well with there businesses.
They start arguing about who has the biggest place and property.
Finally after a couple of hours there is no real end to who has what.
One of them says…I’ll tell you what, I can get on my old Harley at sunrise and ride till sunset and I still wont have reached the end of my property.
The other old biker puts his beer down, looks at his friend, and says…I know just what you mean, I had an old Harley like that once.
Dave works hard at the plant & spends most of his evenings riding his scoot with the boys. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them & says “Hey Dave, how ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled & asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh No,” says Dave. “He works at the plant.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable & says, "you must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser.
“No honey, she works at the plant, too.”
A stripper comes over to their table & throws her arms around Dave. “Hi Davey,” she says. “Want your usual table dance?” Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse & storms out of the club.
Dave follows & spots her getting into a cab. Before she slams the door, he jumps in beside her & she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head & says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”
A ten-year-old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up behind him and asks, “Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?” “No!”, said the boy, and he kept on walking.
The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says,
"Hey kid, I’ll give you 10 bucks if you hop on the back.
“NO!” said the boy and proceeded down the street a little quicker.
The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, “OK kid, I’ll give you 20 bucks and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride.”
At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily,
“Look Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so you ride it!”
The biker walks a woman to the door after their first date. He asks her if she has had a good time.
She tells him yes, but to get her really horny, she likes her men to be rough, tough, and selfish.
So, the next day he picks her up for their evening out, he’s dressed in his black leathers.
He grabs her, throws her on the back of his Hog, and away they go to the nearest biker bar.
They spend the evening drinking and raising hell. Later, when they arrive back at her house, he drags her up to the bedroom and asks, “Well, was I rough enough?” “Yes,” she purrs, and rubs herself suggestively.
“And, was I tough enough?” he ventures. “Oh, yes,” she moans. “Well then, its time to be selfish,” he says, and then begins jerking off.
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out in Heaven with anyone you want.”
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.” St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!
Arthur said, “Yeah, that’s me…”
God commented, “Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can’t run without a road?!” Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke.
“Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman???” God said, "Ah, yes. “Well,” said Arthur, "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
- There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
- It chatters constantly at high speeds
- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
- And the maintenance costs are outrageous!"
“Hmmmm, you have some good points there…” replied God.
“It may be true that my invention is flawed, but according to my calculations, more men are riding my invention than yours!”
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, “I want to join your biker club.”
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asks her, “You have a bike?”
The little old lady says, “Yea, that’s my Harley over there” and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her “Do you smoke?”
The little old lady says, “Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I’m shooting pool.”
The biker is impressed and asks, “Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?”
The little old lady says, “No, I’ve never been picked up by the fuzz, but I’ve been swung around by my nipples a few times.”
Why did the biker put a used tampon on his helmet?
To remind him of the **** that stole his Harley.
Three men sat at bar, a lawyer, a doctor & a biker.
The lawyer said - “Last night I licked my wife all over and she got so excited that she felt like she was floating”
The doctor said - “Last night as I fingered my wife she got so excited that her body actually rose off the bed”
The biker said "Last night I my wife hard up the ass then I jumped up and wiped my dick on the curtains and my wife…Hit The Roof!
Two bikers are pulled up at a stop sign. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting by.
He pulls the bike to the side of the road, gets off, stands by its side, takes off his helmet, and bows his head. The procession passes by the intersection and the biker puts on his helmet, gets back on the bike, and starts it up.
The other biker comes over and says, “That was touching. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
The first biker responds, “Well, I guess it was the right thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years.”
There’s a fellow who is an avid rider. Actually he’s a motorcycle fanatic.
He has not missed a weekend of motorcycle riding in years.
Every Saturday and Sunday morning he gets up very early and goes meets his buddies for a nice long ride. On this one morning, he gets up early, gets dressed, gets his riding gear out of the closet and goes out to the garage to prepare to leave.
While out there it started raining a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind is blowing at 30 mph. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the Weather Channel. From there he finds it’s going to be bad weather all day long. So he puts his bike back into the garage and comes back inside. He quietly undresses and slips back into bed where he cuddles up to his wife’s back, and whispers, “The weather out there is terrible.”
To which she replies, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out riding his bike today?”
This biker went to a store the other day, and was in there for only about 5 minutes. However, when he came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket. So the biker went up to him and said, “Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?”
The cop ignored him and continued writing the ticket. So the biker called the cop a pencil-necked Nazi.
The cop glared at him and started writing another ticket for having worn tires! So then the biker called the cop a piece of horseshit.
The cop finished the second ticket and put it on the cars windscreen with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes and the more the biker abused the cop, the more tickets he wrote.
Of course, the biker didn’t care. His motorcycle was parked around the corner.
