Yesterday was nice. Yesterday, half the population had been abducted by aliens and the roads were a pleasure to drive on.
Today, the aliens returned the missing half, dazed and confused and pretending to drive cages. I’ve never seen the like.
1/ An old geezer with dementia on the A12 just before the Blackwall Tunnel. Sat at the lights for an age as they changed to green, wondering if this was the aliens coming back for him. On the other side of the tunnel, he straddled the middle and outside lanes at 38 mph, hedging his bets just in case the UFO had missed him.
2/ A2, cars slamming their brakes on in the inside lane, frantic signalling and swerving into the outside lane… yes, a young lady travelling at 38 mph while sending a text “hi alienz, yestrday was cool cn we do it agen?”, finding that inner peace with her new friends, oblivious to the chaos outside her cage.
3/ In the 50 mph roadwork zone of the M25 south of Dartford crossing, an old couple in the middle lane doing 38 mph and indicating right… for mile after mile. What the hell did the aliens say to them?
4/ The A21. Don’t want to think about it. The aliens had dropped pace cars every half mile, keeping us all at the regulation 38 mph.
And that was only the outbound trip. Aaaaaaaarghhh!! Then we had to come back from the seaside and suffer it all again. How I envied the biker filtering up the A21 at about 80 mph. The aliens weren’t gonna get him, no sir.