A modern fairy tale

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: I don’t think so!

And there’s more -

Advice to Women:

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section, buy a dog. If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you, buy a dog. If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it, buy a dog. If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want, buy a dog. If you want someone to scare away burglars, without a lethal weapon which terrifies you and endangers the lives of your family and all the neighbors, buy a dog. If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn’t give a damn about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies, buy a dog. If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores, buy a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn’t care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, with breasts or without, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually, buy a dog. But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness, Buy a cat. (Any resemblance to a man is purely coincidental)

Mmmmm, and there was me thinking you were talking about men!!! very good

very cute, but you cant have sex with a dog, although ive come close…

Yep, Abbey forgot one: if you want mindblowing sex, with a guaranteed orgasm, at a time and place convenient for you, do it yourself!

why is it always the man that has to be responsible for the female orgasm, its not a magic stick you have to take part responsibilty… i can put a sausage in your mouth but i cant make you, or show you how to eat it…

please speak for your self…

P M S L.

Two things in life you can’t live without,

Your dog.

Your bike.

Mr Puppy

Don’t forget who is making the St. Georges Picnic…

The missus X


Can someone out there please sit Flatout down and explain the birds and the bees? Please.

dont worry i knows what im doing

are you familiar with putting sausages in your mouth Flatout?

yeah, but only real sausages as in sausage and chips, but you all know what im trying to say…