Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintenance.

A screw sticks, for example, on a side cover assembly. You check the manual to see if there might be any special cause for this screw to come off so hard, but all it says is “Remove side cover plate” in that wonderful terse technical style that never tells you what you want to know. There’s no earlier procedure left undone that might cause the cover screws to stick.

If you’re experienced you’d probably apply a penetrating liquid and an impact driver at this point. But suppose you’re inexperienced and you attach a self-locking plier wrench to the shank of your screwdriver and really twist it hard, a procedure you’ve had success with in the past, but which this time succeeds only in tearing the slot of the screw.

Your mind was already thinking ahead to what you would do when the cover plate was off, and so it takes a little time to realize that this irritating minor annoyance of a torn screw slot isn’t just irritating and minor. You’re stuck. Stopped. Terminated. It’s absolutely stopped you from fixing the motorcycle.

This isn’t a rare scene in science or technology. This is the commonest scene of all. Just plain stuck. In traditional maintenance this is the worst of all moments, so bad that you have avoided even thinking about it before you come to it.

The book’s no good to you now. Neither is scientific reason. You don’t need any scientific experiments to find out what’s wrong. It’s obvious what’s wrong. What you need is an hypothesis for how you’re going to get that slotless screw out of there and scientific method doesn’t provide any of these hypotheses. It operates only after they’re around.

This is the zero moment of consciousness. Stuck. No answer. Honked. Kaput. It’s a miserable experience emotionally. You’re losing time. You’re incompetent. You don’t know what you’re doing. You should be ashamed of yourself. You should take the machine to a real mechanic who knows how to figure these things out.

It’s normal at this point for the fear-anger syndrome to take over and make you want to hammer on that side plate with a chisel, to pound it off with a sledge if necessary. You think about it, and the more you think about it the more you’re inclined to take the whole machine to a high bridge and drop it off. It’s just outrageous that a tiny little slot of a screw can defeat you so totally.

What you’re up against is the great unknown, the void of all Western thought. You need some ideas, some hypotheses. Traditional scientific method, unfortunately, has never quite gotten around to say exactly where to pick up more of these hypotheses. Traditional scientific method has always been at the very best, 20-20 hindsight. It’s good for seeing where you’ve been. It’s good for testing the truth of what you think you know, but it can’t tell you where you ought to go, unless where you ought to go is a continuation of where you were going in the past. Creativity, originality, inventiveness, intuition, imagination…“unstuckness,” in other words…are completely outside its domain

It’s reassuring to know that we all experience this stuff some times. :wink:

It then begs the question is ‘stuckness’ an inevitable function of “Creativity, originality, inventiveness, intuition, imagination…”??

I suppose when you think a bit about those words none of them is a solitary endeavour. You need outside influences for all of them. In other words, when you get stuck, just go for a beer and get some inspiration.:slight_smile:

Blimey, that was a long post.

I have the knowing of “Stuckness” :slight_smile:

inspiration = pay a pro to do it. . . :smiley:

However bad things get, I come on here and someone has it worse.

I had to indulge in some major navel contemplation last night after spectacularly failing to get my front wheel bearings out.

I only put them in last august.

Today I have bought an M12 Rawlbolt to tighten in the bearing bore so that I can batter the bastard out tonight.

There will be beer and success in Slough this night !

Lol! Know exactly what you mean. My bike is still off the road with faulty electrics at the moment and until I can find the time to take it back to the garage I’m stuck with public transport :(. On the other hand at least I have a bike and there will always be more sunny weather to enjoy in the future.:slight_smile:

i thought you fixed the electric prob??

Lol. Fixed…well I thought it was…then it broke again within a week…now all the lights are out bar the headlights…even the horn has gone. Steve has promised to fix it but won’t be able to get it back to him til next week now. He said I should try new fuses but wierd thing is I don’t think the rear lights/brake light/horn have dedicated fuses…looking at the manual can’t work out if they share fuses or maybe don’t even have any?

Your alive, you’re hopefully fully functioning and healthy human being of reasonable inelligence.

So you have a tad of stuckness.

Do what every other sensible person in your position would do. Go hit the 40% proof and get completely smacked.

Won’t cure the stuckness but tomorrow morning you’ll realise you have more immediate problems to deal with. The screw will wait.

That’s an excellent suggestion - to be honest my drilling days are over - I cocked up drilling out the fork leg lower mudguard screw hole - not a serious **** up - just slightly off centre as thebit went in at a slight angle - it won’t show once the guards on and it will still function properly - but I’m still cheesed off it wasn’t perfect.

If it’s a cheap easy to replace component i’ll drill it - anything else is going to an engineering shop. . .

I had an excellent result with the ralwbolt through the wheel bearings to get them out.

Works a treat, and the bolt only £4.

For reference, if you have a 20mm spindle you need an M12 rawlbolt…

Nice one - glad it went smoothly! :smiley:

and what a fantastic book “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintenance” is. everybiker / person should read this book.

Yep - a great book - makes you realise that we all go through the same crap trying to make sense of life and motorcycle maintenance! :smiley:

It’s a clear case where the German “letz make a conzise plan before we turn ze screws” wins out over the British “oi lets just get stahtid an’ sort it out somehow”. xD

Both have their advantages and drawbacks. Germans save their rage for the battlefield (or autobahn), and act like stone faced pokers players in workshops, offices, and bedrooms. (:w00t:!)

I generally try to combine German style planning and attention to detail with Zen calm - e.g. these days I will not work on the bike unless I have meditated for 10 minutes beforehand (true!).

My mistake was to take on too many jobs at once - when I got to the forks and was held up by more stuck screws on something as simple as a mudguard - i just snapped!

People who don’t put copper grease on screws should be sent to Khmer Rouge style re-education camps! :angry: :smiley:

Don’t fesh.

In 40 years time you will have a much calmer, cooler approach to these things even without the meditation. It will just be another job which you will approach with cool, calm reserve.

An hour later you will be raging against the machine and the world conspiracy against you and forty years of maturity and experience will be worth nowt.

But you will own a larger set of tools to fk up with.

:smiley: Looking forward to that day! :smiley: