you know you've lined in London too long when...

  1. You say “the City” and expect everyone to know which one.

  2. You have never been to The Tower of London or Madame Tussauds but you love Brighton

  3. drunks and the homeless are invisible to you.

  4. You step over people who collapse on the Tube.

  5. You’ve considered stabbing someone.

  6. Your door has more than three locks.

  7. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

  8. You call an 8’ x 10’ plot of patchy grass a garden.

  9. You’re paying £1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it’s a “bargain”.

  10. Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shopping malls gives you a severe attack of agoraphobia.

  11. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay in rent.

  12. You pay £3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.

  13. You actually take fashion seriously.

  14. You have 27 different take-away menus next to your telephone.

  15. The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.

  16. You’re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

  17. Your idea of personal space is no one actually physically standing on you.

  18. £50 worth of groceries fit in one plastic bag.

  19. You have a minimum of five “worst cab ride ever” stories.

  20. You don’t hear sirens anymore.

  21. You’ve mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city’s air/water quality and what it’s doing to your insides.

  22. You live in a building with a larger population than most towns.

  23. Your cleaner is Portuguese, your grocer is Somali, your butcher is Halal, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy is Filipino, your bartender is Australian, your favourite diner owner is Greek, your last cabbie was African, your newsagent is Indian and your local English chippie owner is Turkish

  24. You wouldn’t want to live anywhere else until you get married.

  25. You roll your eyes and mumble ‘ggrrrr, for f**k sake…’ at the news that someone has thrown themselves under a tube train.

  26. Your day is ruined if you don’t get a copy of Metro on the way to work.

lol, with regards to point 5, not just once.

Yep, definately a Londoner! And proud!


Yes all correct and proud of it

So true its scary. And when I do get married want to live away from the city.

Off to watch the game now!

Good luck England

haha yea! been away now trying to get back, there is NOWHERE like London

No 23… apart from the landlord, its soooo right

Yep sooo true… each one…and may I add:
that your plumber wouldn’t get out of bed for less than £80!
And your neighbour knows your bank balance cause your mail is always wrongly delivered to them!

You know the London Congestion charge boundaries like you favorite bike run …

the dump you lived in as a kid and couldn’t wait to leave is now massively fashionable and you couldn’t afford to live their if your life depended on it.

RE: you know you’ve lined in London too long when… ???

lined??? wall paper? lined up in a queue? lined some coke? wot wot??


I think point 2 only applies to the London Gay scene but the rest hit home, been there, done that and got the tee shirt. although I wanted to move out of London when I got married but the wife didnt.

Now we may be seperating might still do


Oh and number 25. If its on my railway its olls eyes and thinks thats another driver ive lost for a fortnight.