You couldn't make these up....

[whistler]

I think the one about the number of kings is great:D

DUNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and ‘cheesemongers’?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn’t my strong point.
Theakston: There’s a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester .

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don’t know.
White: I’ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant : Arm.
White: Correct. And if you’re not weak, you’re…?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France .
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don’t know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris .

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: - Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi’s first name?
Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant : I don’t know, I wasn’t watching it then.

RTE RADIO 2FM ( IRELAND )
Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The…?
Caller: Mohicans.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )
Phil: What’s 11 squared?
Contestant: I don’t know.
Phil: I’ll give you a clue. It’s two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY
Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er. . .
Richard: He makes bread . . .
Contestant: Er . …
Richard: He makes cakes . . .
Contestant: Kipling Street ?

LINCS FM P HONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona .
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain .

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: What is the world’s largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific

ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?

JAMES O’BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O’Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth … ER.ER …
Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller: Japan .
Searle : I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er … Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM’S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland ?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?
Denham (helpfully): It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. … .
Wood: It’s got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?

THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That’s close enough.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus

[Steve]

It’s like a day in the office :P:D

[Panagiotis]

haha brilliant!!

[Bandicoot]

glad to see general intelligence isn’t a prerequisite to life

:crazy:

[Jay]

Oh my god, those are priceless! I love them! What a laugh!

It’s surprising how many people don’t know the difference between a country and a city - gulp…

[BB22]

Makes me feel almost intelligent, (almost).

[Hegerty]

I’m guesing they had a public education! lol:D

[Yurtle_the_turtle]

Following in a similar vein…

family fortunes answersSomething you mount: “A mountain…”

Something you lose when you get older: “Your purse…”

A sport which involves throwing something: “Tennis…”

A type of bean: “Lesbian…” (This and the one above were the product of Brian Dowling’s fertile imagination, on a celebrity edition of the show, in which the ‘purse’ answer also arose.)

Something you would play with in the bath: “A bazooka…”

Someone you wouldn’t swear in front of: “Yourself…”

A country where Arabic is spoken: “Nigeria…”

Someone or something whose existence has never been proven: “Hitler…”

A number you might have to memorise: “Seven…”

Something that makes you close your eyes: “Dark…”

Something that comes in pairs: “Rabbits…”

A way of toasting someone: “Over a fire…”

A Boy’s name beginning with the letter J: “Gerald…”

An instrument you can play while walking in the street: “A cello…”

A type of oil: “Sewing-machine oil…”

A word beginning with Z: “Xylophone…”

A slang word for a girl: “Slag…”

An animal with horns: “A bee…”

A medieval weapon: “Hand-grenade…”

Something made of wool: “A sheep…”

Something a bridegroom might wear: “A dress…”

Someone you wouldn’t expect to see in a strip club: “Animals…”

An animal with a long tail: “A rabbit…”

Something a train-spotter would have in his pocket: “A magnifying glass…”

Something you put out for the birds: “Worms…”

A way to prevent snoring: “Put a pillow over his face…”

A word used to describe a very hot day: “A very hot day…”

A song from ‘The Sound Of Music’: “Dancing Queen…”
(Also from the same family: “I wake up each morning…”, “The skies are blue…”, and “Over the hills and far away…”)

Someone who works early hours: “A burglar…”

Something made to be wheeled around: “A hammer…”

A reason for kneeling: “To be beheaded…”

A nickname for a slim person: “Slimmy…”

A measurement of liquid: “Paint…”

Something that’s nice to wear next to your skin: “Pants…”

A famous Dick: “Carrot…”

A wild animal that’s native to Britain: “A bear…”

Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: “Feeds your pets…”

Something that comes in 7’s: “Fingers…”

A vocalist known by only one name: “Michael Jackson…”

A yellow fruit: “Orange…”

An animal beginning with B: “Bullfrog…”

Something associated with Liverpool: “The Yellow Brick Road…”

A boy mentioned in a nursery rhyme: “Little Red Riding Hood…”

Something associated with Queen Victoria: “Her husbands…”

Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: “Your legs…”

A place you would keep a pen: “A zoo…”

Something you beat: “An apple…”

Something associated with rain: “Water…”

An animal that lives in the English countryside: “A lion…”

Something you make into a ball: “Eggs…”

A game that uses a black ball: “Darts…”

A popular TV soap: “Dove…”

Other than ‘carrier’, a type of bag: “Horse…”

Something you might find in a garage: “a grand piano…”

Something a Frenchman would say Answer: “On Garde…”

A fast animal: “A hippo…”

Something you keep in the garden: “A cat…”

Something that gives you goosebumps: “Mumps…”

A character from Little Red Riding Hood: “Hansel and Gretel…”

Something that has a shell: “Batman…”

Any dance apart from the waltz: “The ball dance…”

Something a policeman might say: “Spread 'em…”

Something that frightens Dracula: “The King of the Vampires…”

A non-living object with legs: “A plant…”

A sign of the Zodiac: “April…”

An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: “Andy Pandy…”

A mode of transport that you can walk in: “Your shoes…”

An animal with big ears: “A bear…”

Something you do on water: “Wallpaper…”

A musical instrument you can play in the bath: “A drum kit…”

Something associated with Egypt: “Cigars…”

A part of your body you only have one of: “Your big toe…”

Something you pull: “A potato…”

An animal used as a form of transport: “A turtle…”

A famous Phil or Philip: “Phil Johnson…”

A habit people try to give up: “Spitting…”

A Thunderbirds character: “Doctor Spock…”

Another TV gameshow with the word ‘family’ in the title: “The Generation Game…”

A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro…"

Something you open other than a door: “Your bowels…”

Something with a red light on it: “a Dalek…”

Something that makes you scream: “A squirrel…”

A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: “Chips…”

A type of record: “A floppy disk…”

A type of large cat: “Persian…”

A job that a working dog does: “A slave…”

Something people might be allergic to: “Skiing…”

An occupation where you need a torch: “A burglar…”

A well known superstition: “Running in front of a car…”

Something you use a microchip in: “A fish-fryer…”

A dangerous race: “The Arabs…”

A game played in the dark: “Charades…”

Some famous brothers: “Bonnie and Clyde…”

A jacket potato topping: “Jam…”

A part of the body you have more than two of: “Arms…”

Something you find on a fire engine: “Coal…”

A famous royal: “Mail…”

Something you do before going to bed: “Sleep…”

An item of clothing worn by the Three Muskateers: “A horse…”

An animal you see at the zoo: “Dog…”

Something you might do in a power cut: “Read a book…”

A famous Parisian landmark: “Hawaii…”

One of Harry Enfield’s characters: “Sooty…”

A famous Irishman: “Disraeli…”

The first place detectives look for fingerprints: “The floor…”

Something you associate with the sea: “A coffin…”

A famous Arthur: “Shakespeare…”

A type of cut: “Skull…”

A weapon in the game of Cluedo: “Dice…”

Something people take to the beach: “Turkey…”

A reason someone digs a hole in the road: “Grave digger…”

An ingredient in chicken stuffing: “Chicken…”

Something a girl should know about a man before marrying him: “His name…”

A bird with a long neck: “A blackbird…”

A bird with a long neck (2): “Naomi Campbell…”

An item of clothing a woman might borrow from a man: “Underpants…”

Something taken from a hotel as a souvenir: “The lamps…”

Something you keep in a garden shed: “A gardener…”

A song with moon in the title: “Blue Suede Moon…”

A famous cowboy: “Buck Rogers…”

A famous Wild-West character: “Wild Bill Eacock…”

Something you’d associate with the three bears: “Red Riding Hood…”

Fruit used in fruit salad: “Cucumber…”

Something you wear on the beach: “A deckchair…”

A method of cooking fish: “Cod…”

Something you borrow from your partner: “Shoes…”

A part of the body beginning with N: “Knee…”

A famous Scotsman: “Vinnie Jones…”

A famous Scotsman (2): “Jock…”

Something red: “My cardigan…”

A kind of ache: “Fillet-o-fish…”

Something you open other than a door: “Your bowels…”

Something with a hole in it: “A window…”

Something you do in the bathroom: “Decorate…”

Something you put on walls: “Roofs…”

A domestic animal: “A leopard…”

Something that floats in the bath: “Water…”

Something in the garden that’s green: “The shed…”

Something a blind man might use: “A sword…”

The last thing you take off before going to bed: “Your feet…”

Something that flies without an engine: “A bicycle with wings…”

[whistler]

Yurtle the turtle (14/10/2008)

Following in a similar vein…family fortunes answersSomething you mount: “A mountain…”

Something you lose when you get older: “Your purse…”

A sport which involves throwing something: “Tennis…”

A type of bean: “Lesbian…” (This and the one above were the product of Brian Dowling’s fertile imagination, on a celebrity edition of the show, in which the ‘purse’ answer also arose.)

Something you would play with in the bath: “A bazooka…”

Someone you wouldn’t swear in front of: “Yourself…”

A country where Arabic is spoken: “Nigeria…”

Someone or something whose existence has never been proven: “Hitler…”

A number you might have to memorise: “Seven…”

Something that makes you close your eyes: “Dark…”

Something that comes in pairs: “Rabbits…”

A way of toasting someone: “Over a fire…”

A Boy’s name beginning with the letter J: “Gerald…”

An instrument you can play while walking in the street: “A cello…”

A type of oil: “Sewing-machine oil…”

A word beginning with Z: “Xylophone…”

A slang word for a girl: “Slag…”

An animal with horns: “A bee…”

A medieval weapon: “Hand-grenade…”

Something made of wool: “A sheep…”

Something a bridegroom might wear: “A dress…”

Someone you wouldn’t expect to see in a strip club: “Animals…”

An animal with a long tail: “A rabbit…”

Something a train-spotter would have in his pocket: “A magnifying glass…”

Something you put out for the birds: “Worms…”

A way to prevent snoring: “Put a pillow over his face…”

A word used to describe a very hot day: “A very hot day…”

A song from ‘The Sound Of Music’: “Dancing Queen…”
(Also from the same family: “I wake up each morning…”, “The skies are blue…”, and “Over the hills and far away…”)

Someone who works early hours: “A burglar…”

Something made to be wheeled around: “A hammer…”

A reason for kneeling: “To be beheaded…”

A nickname for a slim person: “Slimmy…”

A measurement of liquid: “Paint…”

Something that’s nice to wear next to your skin: “Pants…”

A famous Dick: “Carrot…”

A wild animal that’s native to Britain: “A bear…”

Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: “Feeds your pets…”

Something that comes in 7’s: “Fingers…”

A vocalist known by only one name: “Michael Jackson…”

A yellow fruit: “Orange…”

An animal beginning with B: “Bullfrog…”

Something associated with Liverpool: “The Yellow Brick Road…”

A boy mentioned in a nursery rhyme: “Little Red Riding Hood…”

Something associated with Queen Victoria: “Her husbands…”

Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: “Your legs…”

A place you would keep a pen: “A zoo…”

Something you beat: “An apple…”

Something associated with rain: “Water…”

An animal that lives in the English countryside: “A lion…”

Something you make into a ball: “Eggs…”

A game that uses a black ball: “Darts…”

A popular TV soap: “Dove…”

Other than ‘carrier’, a type of bag: “Horse…”

Something you might find in a garage: “a grand piano…”

Something a Frenchman would say Answer: “On Garde…”

A fast animal: “A hippo…”

Something you keep in the garden: “A cat…”

Something that gives you goosebumps: “Mumps…”

A character from Little Red Riding Hood: “Hansel and Gretel…”

Something that has a shell: “Batman…”

Any dance apart from the waltz: “The ball dance…”

Something a policeman might say: “Spread 'em…”

Something that frightens Dracula: “The King of the Vampires…”

A non-living object with legs: “A plant…”

A sign of the Zodiac: “April…”

An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: “Andy Pandy…”

A mode of transport that you can walk in: “Your shoes…”

An animal with big ears: “A bear…”

Something you do on water: “Wallpaper…”

A musical instrument you can play in the bath: “A drum kit…”

Something associated with Egypt: “Cigars…”

A part of your body you only have one of: “Your big toe…”

Something you pull: “A potato…”

An animal used as a form of transport: “A turtle…”

A famous Phil or Philip: “Phil Johnson…”

A habit people try to give up: “Spitting…”

A Thunderbirds character: “Doctor Spock…”

Another TV gameshow with the word ‘family’ in the title: “The Generation Game…”

A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro…"

Something you open other than a door: “Your bowels…”

Something with a red light on it: “a Dalek…”

Something that makes you scream: “A squirrel…”

A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: “Chips…”

A type of record: “A floppy disk…”

A type of large cat: “Persian…”

A job that a working dog does: “A slave…”

Something people might be allergic to: “Skiing…”

An occupation where you need a torch: “A burglar…”

A well known superstition: “Running in front of a car…”

Something you use a microchip in: “A fish-fryer…”

A dangerous race: “The Arabs…”

A game played in the dark: “Charades…”

Some famous brothers: “Bonnie and Clyde…”

A jacket potato topping: “Jam…”

A part of the body you have more than two of: “Arms…”

Something you find on a fire engine: “Coal…”

A famous royal: “Mail…”

Something you do before going to bed: “Sleep…”

An item of clothing worn by the Three Muskateers: “A horse…”

An animal you see at the zoo: “Dog…”

Something you might do in a power cut: “Read a book…”

A famous Parisian landmark: “Hawaii…”

One of Harry Enfield’s characters: “Sooty…”

A famous Irishman: “Disraeli…”

The first place detectives look for fingerprints: “The floor…”

Something you associate with the sea: “A coffin…”

A famous Arthur: “Shakespeare…”

A type of cut: “Skull…”

A weapon in the game of Cluedo: “Dice…”

Something people take to the beach: “Turkey…”

A reason someone digs a hole in the road: “Grave digger…”

An ingredient in chicken stuffing: “Chicken…”

Something a girl should know about a man before marrying him: “His name…”

A bird with a long neck: “A blackbird…”

A bird with a long neck (2): “Naomi Campbell…”

An item of clothing a woman might borrow from a man: “Underpants…”

Something taken from a hotel as a souvenir: “The lamps…”

Something you keep in a garden shed: “A gardener…”

A song with moon in the title: “Blue Suede Moon…”

A famous cowboy: “Buck Rogers…”

A famous Wild-West character: “Wild Bill Eacock…”

Something you’d associate with the three bears: “Red Riding Hood…”

Fruit used in fruit salad: “Cucumber…”

Something you wear on the beach: “A deckchair…”

A method of cooking fish: “Cod…”

Something you borrow from your partner: “Shoes…”

A part of the body beginning with N: “Knee…”

A famous Scotsman: “Vinnie Jones…”

A famous Scotsman (2): “Jock…”

Something red: “My cardigan…”

A kind of ache: “Fillet-o-fish…”

Something you open other than a door: “Your bowels…”

Something with a hole in it: “A window…”

Something you do in the bathroom: “Decorate…”

Something you put on walls: “Roofs…”

A domestic animal: “A leopard…”

Something that floats in the bath: “Water…”

Something in the garden that’s green: “The shed…”

Something a blind man might use: “A sword…”

The last thing you take off before going to bed: “Your feet…”

Something that flies without an engine: “A bicycle with wings…”

Got anything a bit longer? (don’t answer that)

[Yurtle_the_turtle]