Tommy Cooper (RIP)

Off-topic
1

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married

The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other

‘Does this taste funny to you?’

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen; it said ‘Parking Fine.’

So that was nice.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn’t find any.

Two blondes walk into a building…you’d think at least one
of them would have seen it.

Phone answering machine message -

‘…If you want to buy marijuana…press the hash key…’

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

A strong currant pulled him in.

Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and
expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night:)

2

So its not just me then ?..the man is a legend and i laughed at every one of those jokes i remember when he died… ’ just like that ’ :slight_smile:

3

Me to!

Thanks for posting those jokes. I could almost hear him delivering them. Top drawer stuff :D:D:D

I remember the Royal Variety Performance or whatever; like most people, I thought he was just playing around, falling over:crying:
Poor Tommy. Rest In Peace indeed!

4

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t
find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak
and heat it.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I’ll give you some cream to put on it.

‘Doc I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home’ "That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ‘Is it common?’ “It’s not unusual.”

Guy goes into the doctor’s. “Doc, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up
my backside.” “How’s that?” “Don’t you start.”

Two elephants walk off a cliff…boom, boom!

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you
give me a lift?” I said "Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster,
go for it.’

A man walked into the doctors, he said, “I’ve hurt my arm in several
places” The doctor said, “Well don’t go there anymore”

5

I don’t want to **** on anyone’s chips here but those jokes aren’t Tommy Cooper’s. The bloke’s a legend, but every time I see a thread about his great one liners everyone always post Tim Vine’s jokes :D.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Vine