Things you'd like to say at work

Off-topic
1

  1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of s**t.

  2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

  3. How about never? Is never good for you?

  4. I see you have set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

  5. I’m really easy to get along with once people learn to see it my way.

  6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

  7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

  8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.

  9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

  10. Ahhhh. I see the f**k-up fairy has visited us again. No need to apportion blame.

  11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

  12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

  13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a s**t any more.

  14. I’m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.

  15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

  16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. Now just sit down and shut the f**k up.

  17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

  18. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

  19. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.

  20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

  21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.

  22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

  23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be what exactly?

  24. Do I look like a f**king people person?

  25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

  26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

  27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer here.

  28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

  29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

  30. Whatever kind of a look you were aiming for, you missed.

  31. Oh I get it. It’s like humour, but different…

  32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.

  33. Can I swap this job for whats behind door 1?

  34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

  35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?

  36. Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.

  37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

  38. I thought I wanted a career: it turns out I just needed the money.

  39. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being more intelligent.

  40. Wait a minute - I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

  41. Aren’t you just a black hole of need.

  42. I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?

  43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

  44. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

  45. If you have something to say raise your hand…then place it over your mouth.

  46. I’m too busy, can I ignore you some other time?

  47. Don’t let you mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.

  48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.

  49. You’re not yourself today, I noticed an improvement straight away.

  50. You are as pretty as a picture, I’d really like to hang you.

  51. Don’t believe everything you think.

  52. Do you hear that? That’s the sound of no-one caring.

2

i do tell them at work they are full of $**T,it in my contract:D

3

Quite a list there, will have to remember some of those… :w00t:

4

I’d wear #16 and #23 out if I could…

:laugh:

Quality post…

5

#4 :smiley: will have to remember #6 for ben :smiley: oh having such a good time picking on him today :smiley: thanks hun, you made my day:D

6

#4 and #45 would apply specifically to you bandy bird! and yes, today has been fun! x :smiley:

7

:smiley: