Was the text to greet Mrs J off the tube.
I had been greeted by some scrabbling and the odd cheep from above.
In the spirit of St Francis we removed the vent on the chimney breast to be greeted by a juvenile Magpie which exited to sit on the windowsill before mounting my hand and being escorted to freedom.
Im now looking into Jainism, though not to the extent of tearing out my own hair by the roots. The birds parents were in a tree at the bottom of the garden and made a right fuss on its return to the fold.
One for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl and four for a boy…
Smoke it out?
I could lend you Elmo, but not sure if it would get back to mummy and daddy in any piece!
Smoked magpie don`t taste that good.
Similar problem a few years ago, a starling came down the
chimney into the living room, it sh1t all over the place before
it worked out the window was open and flew out.
Was about to say it’s not Sam dressed as Santa Claus is it?
…I’m gonna fix that bird that’s what I’m gonna do.
There are better places to hide birds Chris… The cellar usually works well, especially if you put in a false wall
Next time hide her in the cupboard. 
Mike, you sure you not just making excuses for a drunken episode! It was a starling love, honest.