What do you do if a bird cr*ps on your bike?
dont ask her out again
why have women got small feet
so they can stand closer to the kitchen sink
Why did the woman cross the road
Forget the F**King road why aint she in the kitchen
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes
nothing youv already told her twice
Why do women wear so much makeup and perfume
because the smell and there ugly
So, God made Adam. Adam was walking around one day and realized that he was lonely, so he asked God for a companion. God said, “I can make a woman for you. She will cook and clean and do everything you ask her to. She will wait on you hand and foot. She will be so beautiful that you won’t be able to take your eyes off of her. It’s gonna cost you an arm and a leg, though.”
Adam said, “Well, what can I get for a rib?”
A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show.
The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced
during the operation. The transexual replied, “Well, when they cut my penis off,
that really didn’t hurt too much. Even when they implanted the breasts in my
chest, well, that really didn’t hurt too much either…”
“Then you didn’t experience any real physical pain at all then?”
"Hell no! It hurt like hell when they stuck that big ******* needle in my
head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half
One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
“Where’s Eve?” He asked.
“Well,” said Adam, “She started to bleed. This happens every month or so.”
“So where is she?” asked God.
“Well, she went down to the river to wash up.” replied Adam.
“Damn,” said God. “Now I’ll never get the smell out of the fish.”
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
- She starts her sentence with “A man once told me…”
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
- It doesn’t matter. There is a clock on the oven.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by up to 90%.
- It’s called wedding cake.
My wife asked me “What’s on the TV?”
Why do men die before their wives?
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading “Wife Wanted.”
- The next day he received a hundred letters saying “You can have mine.”
What do you do if your dishwasher quits working?
Kick her in the ass.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Did you know that lager has womens genes in it?
After 8 pints you talk crap and can’t drive!
why do women not need a drivers license?
because there is no road from the kitchen to the bedroom.
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose…
Would you go to lunch or to a movie?
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, let the bitch do the dishes in the dark.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
Why is the space between a women’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
