Zen Sarcasm
-
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
-
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
-
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
-
Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
-
Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
-
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
-
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
-
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
-
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
-
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
-
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
-
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
-
Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
-
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
-
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
-
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
-
Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
-
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
-
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
-
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
-
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
-
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night