RIP Brian Haynes


What a debt of gratitude we owe this man, how many bikes have have been saved through the years because the owners could get a manual on how to do the thing.

It is with great sadness that we announce the death of John H Haynes OBE, the creator of the famous Haynes Manual, founder of the Haynes Publishing Group PLC and the Haynes International Motor Museum. John passed away peacefully surrounded by his family on the evening of Friday 8th February, aged 80, after a short illness. John was a kind, generous, loving and devoted husband, brother, father and grandfather, who will be missed enormously. Our thoughts and prayers are with his wife Annette, his brother David and sister Mary, his sons J and Chris and their families.

Read the full obituary here:


Ah, yes indeed. He saved my bacon a few times.



I’ve had a few of them over the years. Handy to have when trying to save on stealership costs!


The museum hold a bikers breakfast ride in on the 3rd Sunday every month (well summer anyway), having visited the cafe there once or twice, it might make an intresting rideout for a summers day out.


I bet a lot of mechanics are also in morning today… I bet they had to fix a lot by budding spannerists who skim read those manuals


And quite a lot by budding spannerists who followed them to the letter. They didn’t acquire the moniker ‘Haynes book of lies’ without reason!


A good time to repost this…

Haynes Manuals explained

Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.

Translation: Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with a hammer in either direction.

Haynes: Should remove easily.

Translation: Will be corroded into place. Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.

Translation: You are about to skin your knuckles. Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: This is a tight fit.

Translation: Not a hope in hell, matey! Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: Lightly…

Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing, then clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Ease…

Translation: Apply superhuman strength to…

Haynes: Prise…

Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into…

Haynes: Undo…

Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size).

Haynes: Compress…

Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, throw it at the garage wall, then find some molegrips and a hammer…

Haynes: Inspect…

Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife “Yep, as I thought, it’s going to need a new one.”

Haynes: Carefully…

Translation: You are about to suffer deep abrasions.

Haynes: Retain tiny spring…

Translation: “Oh F**k, where the hell did that go? It nearly had my eye out.”

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb…

Translation: OK - that’s the glass bit off, now fetch some long-nosed pliers to dig out the bayonet part (and some plasters).

Haynes: Weekly checks…

Translation: If it isn’t broken don’t fix it.

Haynes: Routine maintenance…

Translation: If it isn’t broken, it’s about to be.

Haynes: Remove oil filter using an oil filter chain spanner or length of bicycle chain.

Translation: Stick a screwdriver through it and beat handle repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: Replace the old gasket with a new one.

Translation: I know I’ve got a tube of SuperGlue around here somewhere.

Haynes: Grease well before refitting.

Translation: Spend an hour searching for your tub of grease before chancing upon a bottle of washing-up liquid. Wipe some congealed washing up liquid from the dispenser nozzle and use that since it’s got a similar texture and will probably get you to Halfords to buy some Castrol grease.

Haynes: See illustration for details

Translation: None of the illustrations notes will match the pictured exploded, numbered parts. The unit illustrated is from a previous or variant model.

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7…

Translation: That’ll teach you not to read through before you start. Now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: One spanner rating.

Translation: An infant could do this… so how did you manage to **** it up?

Haynes: Two spanner rating.

Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, teensy weensy number… but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (which would in fact have been more use to you).

Haynes: Three spanner rating.

Translation: Make sure you won’t need your motorbike for a couple of days and your AA cover includes Homestart.

Haynes: Four spanner rating.

Translation: You’re seriously considering doing this yourself, aren’t you, you idiot?

Haynes: Five spanner rating.

Translation: OK - but don’t ever carry your loved ones on it again and don’t mention it to your insurers.

Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this…

Translation: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Haynes: Retaining nut…

Translation: Yes, that’s it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Haynes: Get an assistant…

Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.

Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.

Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places.

Haynes: Ease away from plastic locating pegs…

Translation: Snap off…

Haynes: Using a suitable drift…

Translation: Clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Everyday toolkit

Translation: AA Membership Card & mobile phone

Haynes: Apply moderate heat…

Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don’t bother. Alternatively, clamp with molegrips and beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Index

Translation: List of all the things in the book, bar what you actually need to do