Petrol Station Rant

Hey you! Are you old enough to remember the good ol’ days… the days when petrol stations sold petrol and an assortment of motoring accessories such as motor oil, duct tape, windscreen wipers, replacement petrol tank lids and zip ties?

Petrol stations these days wind me up… They’ve all been turned into fucking SUPERMARKETS that also happen to sell petrol.

The problem is, when I pull into a petrol station because I need a spot of oil and some duct tape because I burned my trouser leg on the crappy monkey bike exhaust, I don’t want any Taste the Difference chicken breast, I don’t want any Australian wine, and I don’t want Extra Succulent American-Style Chocolate chip cookies. I want a roll of duct tape and a pint of Mobil-1. And they look at me like I’m crazy!!

Legislation needs to be passed NOW to limit petrol stations to sell the following items only:

  • Petrol
  • Motoring spares and accessories
  • Motoring magazines
  • Fags
  • Maps
  • Rizla
  • Fizzy Drinks
    & Pornography.

Write your MP now before it gets worse and the neighborhood Esso turns into friggin’ ASDA!!

… and Mars Bars

forget all the crap lets just have them selling the porn

it seems to me that if you do get any bike/car product you will probably pay over the odds for inferrior produce e.g oil

i was almost charged £2.50 for two stop and tail bulbs, 50p each from the motor factors down the road

petrol stations = bastads!! grrr

He He He, its most anoying when your in a rush and someones in front with 200 tins of cat food and a assortment of pick and mix,parked across the pump you want to use and in no hurry to move.bastards.

i must say, I love busy petrol stations, you know the ones on the motorways on Bank Holidays when 50 cars/caravans are jostling for pumps and we just slip to the front pump that was being blocked by a Volvo whilst the family chooses their Soleros

The look on peoples faces

Hell yeah… Dutch petrol stations are paradise in this respect! Nothing but cheap fags, chocolate and a variety of XXX teens magazines. Sod it, let’s all move there.

Dont forget Gingsters

The only thing my local petrol station sells is screenwash, you cant even get a bulb!!

my petrol station wont turn on the pumps unless i remove my lid…no that makes me soooo maddd!!!

still got a funny from a petrol station attendant the other day…i was on the a20 and it was about 7 in the morning…filled up the bike,still half asleep,(not littrilly) walked up to the counter,card in hand when the guy says…’’ that’ll be 17 pound 60 for the deisel please mate…i handed over the card,then my eyes whent wide and i turned as white as a sheet…‘nnnaaaaa’’ i said and looked at my bike…turned back to the geezer and he was grinning from ear to ear…

you f*kker…i said seeing the funny side and left still smiling…lololol…

what a dirty trick…asshole…""lol


Yeah, that remove helmets thing pisses me off too. Went into the bank the other day, wearing my jet helmet (not full face) and they insisted I take it off before they serve me despite the fact my mug was clearly visible. Bankers == wankers.

When they refuse to turn the pumps on,i take a nice crisp £20 out wave it in their faces and then go to the next station to fill up.

I drive a truck for a living, when i got board i would go into s petrol station…

Fill the truck with deisel then get my Lid and gloves out, put them on and go in to pay…

The guy behind the counter is looking out the window going which pump you on mate, as he scans the forcourt for a bike.

So i go “nah mate im in the lorry…”

Very funny, look at you like your mad (could be right)

as i walked out id say" the roads are not safe dude trust me i know"

Ok now I have a story about petrol stations, please pull up a chair and get your fags and brew you may be here for some time…

As you can see I live in Peterborough and know London as well as I know Outer Mongolia (not well at all). Biggus offered to escort me to the A1 (I know where I am from there), due to the silly racing at the lights with johnny and Biggus getting to Waterloo I knew I was in need of some motion lotion. Telling Biggus that en route I will need to stop we left London… On the A406/A1 there is a big BP garage and we pulled into there… I got off my bike (not mountain bike hyperlink) and put the pump into the petrol tank and started to click the handle… A guy in a Merc kept looking at me and eventually he said are you getting fuel as I am not. I turned round to biggus who was at the pump behind me and asked if he was getting fuel and he wasn’t either. I went then to the kiosk and said to the spotty teenager behind the screen “we ain’t getting any fuel”, he was on the phone with about 30 reams of paper in front of him so being an astute kind of person realised he was cashing up and having problems… We waited patiently for about 5 mins and then the Merc driver started to get fuel… Biggus and I were clicking away and still no fuel. A car pulled alongside biggus and started to fill up with fuel and we were still clicking away… I asked the Merc driver to just ask the young man behind the screen to turn our pumps on as we still weren’t getting any fuel… You know when you know something is going on and you are the last to know? I started to get that feeling…

After about another 5 minutes I went back to the kiosk and said to the oik we were still not getting any fuel and by this time I was starting to feel a little angry… The fact that he didn’t speak English was a little confusing as there was a language barrier and he refused to use the microphone and was mumbling broken Englishish through the glass… Then he mentioned driving licence??? I tried to explain to him as politely as possible that I didn’t have my driving licence on me and all I wanted was fuel trying to get through to him that I didn’t know if I would make it to the next petrol station… I then went back to the pump and tried again but nothing just click click bit like old mother hubbard and her empty cupboard… By this time biggus was starting to get a little annoyed too and I explained as calmly as possible that he wanted my driving licence and I didn’t have it. Biggus suggested giving the oik £20. to prove that we were not going anywhere certainly no intention of filling and not paying. I went back to the oik who was serving other customers with fuel and tried to give him £20. saying my bike would take no more than £10. so I wasn’t going anywhere without my change. No this wasn’t good enough he wanted my driving licence. I said to be honest you are not allowed to ask for my driving licence only pc plod was actually the only person allowed to ask for it. (don’t know how much truth was in that statement but at the time I really didn’t care as I was getting more and more angry).

Biggus went to the kiosk to try and sort it out and just ended up losing his temper with the oik, repeating everything I had said. A van driver had obviously heard our overheated conversation with the oik and so did a taxi driver (the garage was filling up with people) and both tried in vain to help us. The taxi driver gave the oik his driving licence to cover the fuel and said he would be responsible for us so let us have fuel. No this wasn’t good enough he wanted mine which was nearly 100 miles away. At this point I lost it. I sounded like an old fish wife and am not proud of it but totally lost it. Trying to get on my bike as gracefully as possible while absolutely fuming was quite a difficult task. Biggus was still debating with the oik and trying to understand why he wanted my driving licence and no one elses. I pulled up along side biggus and said “lets go before I do something really stupid” biggus gets on his bike and I said “If I could do a burn out this would be the time I would do it” 2 seconds later the garage was filled with smoke and the smell of burning rubber. Biggus had done the burn out for me. Luckily the next petrol station was only a mile away so we filled with no problems.

The next day I phoned the oik’s boss to explain what had happened and asked what his procedure was with bikes filling up at night as the oik had said any bike going in there at night was asked to produce their driving licence. The boss said all he wants are the helmets removed to show that the rider is over 17. I said I am 35 and I wished I looked like 17 but there was no way on gods earth would I or could I never look like a 17 year old… He said that he would phone me back within 24 hours to let me know the outcome and he was disgusted to the behavior to his staff and disciplinary action would be taken against him (do you believe that cos I dont) as at no point did the oik ask for my helmet to be removed which to be honest I understand them wanting this… If he had asked then the helmet would have been removed no questions asked (biggus did have his helmet off). I have still not had a phone call back to explain what happened and why we were victimised. I may still write to BP and ask them for answers but sometimes you think but why nothing will happen… I will be going back into that petrol station when I next go to Waterloo just to see what happens and this time I will be ready for the oik…

The garage in question is this one…

BP Express Shopping Ltd

Watford Way (A1), Pentavia Retail Park, Mill Hill, London, NW7 2PT

Tel: 020 8203 9001,-0.269852&spn=0.156807,0.686646

If ya have probs like that again, look round the forcourt and you’ll see a load of cones. Pick em up n put em across the entrance. This’ll block any more traffic from gettin fuel as it’ll look like it’s closed. This’ll hit em where it hurts,profit.

Quality burn out it was too

Nice one biggus.

Well I luv my local only ever had one problem in 12yrs a quite word with the manager and it was sorted.

Lady P, top banana! Happens to me a lot in South East London (or should I say South East LA) Can understand if I was riding a scoot with a tuned pipe, hipster jeans and an attitude but I am a fat 40 year old on a DRZ for fcuk sake! To give them their due some stations are happy with me having my helmet on and some wont. The ones that insist on me taking my helmet off loose a lot of business as I then take a looooooooooooooooooooong time to remove helmet, gloves and pump gas, pay and repeat. Mind you, pulled into the Tesco’s waste of space that is a petrol station in Forest hill, Nova at the pumps in front of me pulls of and out of the station, I fill up and go to pay and the attendant asks if I saw the driver of the Nova as they had fcuked off without paying.Then had a rant about me having to take my helmet off when Nova boy was happy to pump and bugger off despite his hoodie features on display!!! Sorry, rant over.

i wonder how many times he does that a day,

If they give you any stick about taking the lid off, try this (it does work for me):

It is against my religion to take off my helmet in front of you. I am only allowed to take my helmet off infront of another biker, please produce one plus an area where I cannot be seen by anybody else. If you can’t and insist on me taking off my helmet I will report you to the Commission for Racial Equality (something or the other).

Alternatively, I go with waving a £20 note at them and taking myself off to another petrol station.

The religious discrimination stuff usually works though and does mostly get some laughs from other motorists.

Personally, I like to be as obstructive as possible when some trumped up idiot insists on being a prat.