The following list is admissable as evidence in any court of law and is accepted by the European courts as a guide for defininng stupid, or negligent behaviour. The accepted punishment is “a slap” and can be meeted out by anyone witnessing the stupidity without any fear of social or state-sponsored reprisals such as court time, or even prison. 1) People who leave taps running.
People who say things like “I read it in the papers” as though this means its true.
People who stop in doorways, or at the top of escalators during rush hour
People who get to the front of the queue, hand over their purchases, watch as the cashier tots them up, and then look all surprised when the cashier asks for money (followed by lots of franctic rooting around for a purse in an oversized handbag).
People who DON’T use their mirrors or indicators.
People who aren’t polite enough to say thank you.
Anyone who owns one of those silver kiddie scooters, or a pair of those stupid rubber “Croc” shoes (this one is written in conrete, and completely non-negotiable, if this is you go straight to the slap table and accept your punishment).
Those idiots who, when you ask them to remind you about something later, straight away turn around and remind you…as though they think that that old old old old old joke is still funny.
Parking wardens
Wearing sunglasses on the underground.
People who jump redlights - People’s lives are put at risk by you you utter morons!
Another mention as its worth noting - Cyclists who jump red lights, don’t wear helmets and weave through traffic without EVER looking first. Why should anyone look out for you if you’re not prepared to look out for yourself and more importantly, other people too?
Idiots that waste a half hour of their working day writing lists like this rather than doing their jobs…oh…SLAP! Ouch…
Feel free to add to the list if you like (but don’t forget your slap:D )
I agree with everything (expecially people on escilators) except the traffic wardens…the ones round my work are incredibly nice to bikers, especially if you smile before you talk to them…they’re so used to people being horrible to them, that a smile cheers them up and goes a long long way.
Traffic warden, hmm maybe it works only for biker girls. Last time I ask politely to one of them where is convenient place to park. He showed me place and … 5 minutes later I received ticket.
Right now I would say people who bring their cell phones to the office…leave them lying on their desk…and then go away to a meeting or something…with the g*ddamn ringer turned up as loud as it will play and some ridiculous ring tone loaded up.
I swear I’m going to stuff that thing right up that girls arse…COMPLETELY obnoxious to have to listen to that…over…and over…and over.
I’m with the list, especially Number 4 . . . You want money for these purchases . . . erm, I think I have some somewhere . . ! Grrr.
My additions:
Cars that pull to the RIGHT when they see a bike behind them so that it is harder to overtake (lot of this going on lately, is it just me?)
AND
low-powered Pimped cars (often with 17 year old spotty-faced drivers, massive wheels, silly exhaust, huge fin and 1.1 engine) who hang out to the right as though they will ever muster the power to overtake anything, ever . . !
I couldn’t agree more. Where i live there is a serious infestation, problem is i’d be worn out with all the slapping i’d have to do.
Just to add to 7,people wearing Crocs pushing 3 wheeled buggies, complete with little disc brake & pump for tyres, who expect you to move out of the way for them.
I must remember to slap myself when I jump red lights on my push bike!
Mr Brown doesn’t tell us what to do… I have to do whatever policy has been written regarding whatever it is I want to do… there’s a policy document for everything. Heron - tried the plastic heron? Netting is a good investment.
