I had an affair with a librarian a few years ago. But we had to end it as people started talking.
I dated a girl who had a lazy eye.
turns out she was seeing someone else on the side.
A man goes for a prostate exam.
The doctor is checking him out when he finds a roll of $100 bills stuffed up his ass. He pulls out the money and counts it.
“You’re not gonna believe this, but I just found $1900 shoved up your ass!”
The man says, “Well that makes sense. That’s why I haven’t been feeling too grand.”
My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, “You’re shirtless and covered in… oil?!” I chuckled proudly, “Well, you’re always saying…"
“…I never glisten!”
A native American Indian and his wife go into a restaurant and asked if they have a table for two. The waitress asked “Do you have a reservation?” and he replied “No, I have an apartment downtown”.
What do you call a magician they has lost his magic?
I have just released my own fragrance.
The people sitting next to me dont look like they appreciate it
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms?
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?
Have we gone from Pans to bad jokes?
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
What do you call a shaved hairy biker?
*Cause the hairy bikers bake and Kevsta doesn’t have a beard
I dont trust stairs,
they are always up to something
Trust is something you can only build step by step
This all sounds a little cheesy to me…
I dig, you dig, we dig, they dig, he digs, she digs…
It’s not a beautiful poem - but it’s deep.
This thread is getting thin and crusty.
Someone keeps dumping soil on my allotment.
The plot thickens.
What do you call someone who eats other people slowly?
I find stairs usually get me down