Pan's joke of the day

Just dropped my phone in mayonnaise… fucking hellmans

That really is just scrapping the last of the ketchup out of the bottle.  For a Friday joke that is beyond terrible, that is damn right awful.

That’s not mayonnaise, that’s egg on your face!

But keep it up. There’s the occasional fundiment.

Not too bad, just plain bad. 4/10.

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. 

She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. 

On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”
"About 35,"he replied.
“I’m actually 47,” the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald’s for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
He replied, “Oh, you look about 29.”
“I am actually 47!” she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going.
But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman’s age.
If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age.”
There was no one around, so the woman said, “What the hell?” and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, “OK, You are 47.”
Stunned, the woman said, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”
The old man replied, “I was behind you in line at McDonald’s.”