OK TIME TO LARF !! (From the Bladester)

Fed up with all the doom and gloom and bikers having offs and accidents and horrible stuff !! (sorry about your bike Barro hope you get a better and bolder one now…go for it mate !!)

RIGHT time for a larf? I am now going to tell you a story that happened to me and is SO true it hurts me to think about it again…and im always reminded of it too !!

2 years ago lads in work decided they were going Brands, i arranged to meet up with them and go along (one had spare ticket and it just made sense, seeings i wanted to go anyway) SO, we all meet up, all with our leathers on, blistering hot day, and we had all bought clothes to change into, cos one of the guys mate had a stall there and said we could leave our stuff in his van?

All good so far… Now im the only girl amongst about 8 men, as usual !! (that time i didnt know Abbeyj,Trisckie,Andrea,Sarah(scarer) (love the new bike by the way),Salee, or any of the other many women i have met through LB?

So we all bowl down to Brands, park up, queue up, and go to this guys stall…he tells us to go round to the back and we could all get changed? I walked through with the guys and then saw that they were just changing by the side of the van? So i walked round the back end, telling them to “sod off and dont look”

Now, picture this…at the end of this transit van whatever, there is a sort of windbreak effort closing off one side and then there is the back end of the stall which is covered with tarpaulin and those flaps that when opened, lead into the tent with the stall inside it? So they cant see me there, and i thought i would be ok to just “quickly” get out of my leathers…yeh right

I was soaking with sweat, sticking to everything i had on, and as a result, got one leg out and was hopping on one leg to try and get the other leg out, which decided to stay stuck inside…making me tug and tug and tug and …fall back!! So there i am with one leg out of my leathers and the other in the air trying to get up again, and trying SO hard NOT to attract the attention of all the guys…who of course were nearly done round the corner there!..So i leans over, grabs what i thought was a solid piece of tarpaulin, only for my stuck leg to “ping” out and the shock of that, made me fall backwards again, but this time ive got through the back of the tent and INTO the area where the stall was, falling on top of all the stock he was hoping to sell that day !!

I must have made somewhat of a noise, cos next min not only did i have ALL the guys come running round from the van, but also the guy that was running that damn stall !!!

Now im looking up at all my workmates and some stranger who cant take his eyes off my ass, and i cant say it was entirely his damn fault considering i was in a bluddy g string, stumbling about trying to find something to cover myself with so that i could get hold of my jeans, which by now were back outside this tent thing, in the place i was first when i tried to get changed !!

And the bar stewards just stood there and watched while i sheepishly, stood up, wiped my hair out of my eyes, sniffed and walked to retrieve my jeans, like i had no cares in the world, knowing that i had to face those gits on monday in work !!! Shamed or WHAT !!!

(they had to put the tent flap things back though) ha ha…but all i heard was this constant laughing while they were doing it…happy chaps they are)…damn!

So. what funnies u got to tell…oh ive got others!!

Haha very funny, a g string is always a bad idea, the bigger the pants the better. I like the ones that you can pull right up to your bra strap to keep your kidneys warm!!

This isn’t bike related and it might not work in print but I was recently working at a festival and a band were sound checking on stage and my collegue asked me to find out who the band were. So I went up to the drummer and said “alright mate, what’s the name of your band?” and he said “Thonna Rele” so I repeated “Thonna Rele?” and he said “No no…I’ve got a lithp”(lisp) “it’s Sonna Rele!” embarrased or what!

Luckily he thought it was funny so I got away with it! My collegues were laughing all day about it…oh dear

Nice one gurl…

and keep up the good work with the thongs!

Ohhh which stand was it? Been working at the races for 5 years and know most of them now, although I’m having a year off this year

lm’ARSE’o Miss B what a sight it must have been

Carla? best i can describe was you know where the main stand is facing the pit lanes? it was sort of, say you came down from those stands and faced the stalls with back to pit lane, then walked straight across? it was the one you would be walking towards…(thats a crap description i know) they sell tshirts, sweat tops, paddock jkts, socks, things like that?..i fell on all the sweat top boxes !!! i dont know the name of the guy who ran the stall but he wasnt a youngster? id say in his 50’s? Nice guy tho !! Had to be to put up with my backside in his moosh !! GAWD !!

They are all about 50, as you know, I don’t hang round with the young ones much at the races

The stands changes places every year anyway, sounds like it could be anyone of them Could be the big yellow Grid Gear stand or similar, most of the others have helmets and leathers.

Bout 3 years ago me and another biker took off to NEC, both of us first time not following the “mass” treking down there…so sort of virgin …and im cack at directions anyway so had to follow him…So he wants to get there in time and shoots off…i dont have a prob with that, but about 3.5 hours later im peeing myself cos we had taken a wrong turn and im just busting!

I pulled up alongside him and pointed to my tank, just to get him to pull into a service or something…now normally, when u do that to another rider, they know something is up, either u need a wee, or u need petrol, either way, we need to stop at nearest place…

Well i wasnt WITH that sort of biker…this ones just looking at me like im mad (prob right for me going with HIM in first place!) (this is the same guy that caused me to come off my bike (the first accident other then the latest one) cos i would rather hit the kerb than his new bike and hed pulled up REAL sharp knowing i was behind him…THEN tells the copper when asked if he knew what happened, that he thinks i wasnt paying attention…then texts and phones me worried that he had done the wrong thing…and didnt go to work cos he was scared what my other half might do, and I wasnt even bothered, only about my bike, cos the wheel had been hit (not new bike, my other blade).and the police had given it the usual MOT on the spot and not found anything wrong or heavy tyre marks etc…so i knew i was ok…HE was the one worried about it and off work…the plonker ! This is some guy whos just bought another car and paid the same amount of money for it, second hand, that he could have got with the ford discount scheme brand new !! Oh im sure you get the gist …

SO theres me waving and pointing at him and no response, so i thought if i go over another bump im gonna pee my pants…so i start to move over to the inside lane and then onto the hard shoulder and he follows me…i stop bike, leaving it running, run up the hard shoulder a bit to try and find some cover…now this area had a bank going up and i just leaned against that, facing the traffic thundering past and pulled my leathers, (all in one) down to do the do?

Meanwhile hes seen me shot off and i can see him now, running down the hard shoulder to where i am to see what the hell i run off for…and shouting at him to stop where he is, that im ok…he sees what im doing (he does have a brain somewhere) and starts to go back…meanwhile ive got all the cars and coaches beeping at me and waving, and im thinking, u know what? im not gonna see any of u again, so sod it…look at what u want !!!

Right, so job done, ive pulled up top of all in ones, zipped up, told him why i had to stop and we started off again…when we get to NEC, and all parked up, before we go in, i said i had to go loo again…(i know i know !!)…goes into those nice clean loos and undoes top of leathers, do what i have to and then stand up…turn round…and all around this nice clean loo, with women cleaner outside pottering around sweeping etc…is piles and piles of leaves, straw, mud, stones, whatever…floating in the loo and on the floor !!! I was just about to go and complain that ive just had to sit on that “dirty” toilet seat that shes supposed to have just cleaned…when i saw all this straw stuff sticking out from my leathers…pulled bottoms down again and lo and behold i must have had most of the side of the motorway in my pants !!! And whats sad is???..I didnt even FEEL a bluddy thing while on my bike…not a stick not a scratch…nothing…FFS !!! Fat joke or what !!!

I was proper LOL then… you are amazing

oh theres more…another time? went out for ride with mates…lost mates but saw another rider and thought i recognised the bike so followed them? All in and out and roundabout the houses stuff for ages…him then me all the way, well i was lost so i didnt know !!!

Then he slows down all of a sudden and pulls into…his driveway, turns round comes up to me and says “can i help u?”…picture me, sitting on my bike, outside a complete strangers home, looking and feeling a complete PRATT and half…!!! And trying to explain to this poor guy that im really not a stalker but could he please put me in the right direction for London !!! ( oh Gawd) why me ???

Hahaha miss B you have just made my night lol, your a Character and a half
Tell us more you have me smiling from ear to ear

Just read this post, what a picture your faces must have made

And there was this one time at band camp…

Blade thanks for the good larf, just one question , didn’t one of your friends have a camera


Blade im p*****g my self laughing here, well you will just wear g strings under your leathers wont you, i bet when you came off on the a24 the hospital got a shock 2

Ya’ve made me smile on this horrible dreary Saturday morning Blade, They had ladies in thongs/G Strings at WSB @ Brands this year hun they were inside a marquee too…I think it was called the Adult Entertainment Tent. Maybe you gave them the idea to start this off.

Sounds like you can be very entertaining at times too…pmsl at the thought of all the bikes on ride outs now will want to be following you in case ya decide to have one of your moments.

Keep up the stories and we’ll all be able to keep smiling.

A warm sunny afternoon been out hooning around on the bike

The bike look’s good I look defiantly good to go.

Coming up to a set of traffic lights open top sports car two very fine young ladies in the car Ya know the ones long well looked after hair fine clothes deff looking good almost as good as me.

Lights on red so I pull up next to the car all good so far the girls look I gave the nod then shouted Oh crap I forgot to put my feet down the bike falls over with me on it I am now trapped with my thigh under the bike so I have to ask the girls for help to get the sodd’in thing off me not cool at all last time I let testosterone get the better of me !

I had only passed my test a few wks previous, was out on an introductory ride with one of my mates.

pulled up to infinity motorcycles of the A3 in Guildford, he stopped in front, i stopped behind on slight curve, and toppled straight off, in full view of the whole shop of infinity (large floor to ceiling window)

had bike parked outside flat, just washed, polished, sprayed bits with wd40, had engine running and stupidly decided to put it on its centre stand.

of course, with everything soo slippy, just as i was levering it up on the stand, my boot slipped, and the bike fell away from me.

worst thing was, cause the engine was running, as it fell it knocked itself into gear, and nearly took of into the garage into the back of a 60grand convertable jag!!

a guy saw it happen and offered to help me pick it up, he nearly burst a blood vessle as we lifted it and he said"blimey, i didnt realise these things were so heavy"!

my exhaust still has the dent to this day

Wouldnt know Ginge !!! YOU were the one looking at the time !! ( i told him to hide his eyes, he puts his jumper up over his head…so i think thats ok then…stoopid me again…later he tells me i had me black g string on !! you little liar u !!! his top was bluddy see through !!)