I’m in bits. Okay, so not literally, but man did I suffer!
Warning: I rarely tell short stories and this one is of fairly epic proportions - so save it until you have a little (okay quite a lot of) downtime!!
Little bit of back story: Turns out that Mr Jet and I share the same birthday. Mr Jet wanted to do a ride out to celebrate his and fancied some female company as Mrs Jet was working.Unfortunately for him, I was the only one available. 
As many of you know I had an off at the beginning of December and am only just back to walking unaided this week. Haven’t been on a bike in 14 weeks and as I wasn’t planning to get on a bike ‘til Sunday (Pooh Sticks Championship) none of my bikes were rideable. One is still being repaired (from the off) and the batteries of the other two are currently at the OMC being charged - thanks again to Charlie (Columbo) for sorting this out for me 
As an aside - seriously impressed with Charlie’s skills (he’s training at college to be a motorcycle mechanic), whichever dealership ends up getting him are going to be very lucky.
So, anyway Mr Jet bravely offered to let me ‘ride bitch’. I was rather concerned about this as I have very little pillion experience and really dislike the riding position of sport bikes, but he was most persuasive and reassuring, so I went for it.:ermm: Despite offering to meet him somewhere convenient for him, he insisted on coming to pick me up in Central London where I live. As stated, my plan was to be riding by Sunday and so on Saturday I was going to Get Geared to treat myself to a new Held textile jacket and trouser combo and then on to see Paul at HG in Stockwell to buy some big, bad-ass motocross boots. Unfortunately I had left my previous wet weather trousers in a hotel in France a month or so before my off, so other than my jacket, my only rain protection was my all-in- one waterproof romper suit. It makes me feel a bit ‘boil-in-the bag’, so I only wore it, if it was raining hard. I had been checking the weather reports all morning and they assured me that it would stop drizzling by about 12pm and then become cloudy for the rest of the afternoon, so I stupidly believed them and decided not to pack my romper suit.:Whistling: So, I was just wearing jeans, my current textile jacket and my short biker boots - D’oh!! - more on that later…
First challenge was to get on the bike, left ankle doesn’t feel strong enough yet to step on the peg so I needed to swing my leg over the back, after about 3 attempts using different heights of kerb and different sides I eventually mounted from the right side in a very inelegant fashion, a bit of wriggling around once on board and then I put my feet on the pillion pegs - at this point in hind-sight I should have dismounted. Having not walked or moved all that much over the last weeks has left me rather inflexible. I also have an old skiing injury to my left knee (torn ACL) which left me with reduced flexion. It transpires that the pillion pegs on the Daytona are not ideally set up for someone with this combination of issues! I was immediately uncomfortable, but hopeful that things would improve once I started to relax. So we set off:
Start Point: Near the London Eye, Southbank
Destination: Tiptree Jam Factory and Tea Rooms (half way between Chelmsford and Colchester)
Distance: 59 miles
Start time: 12pm
ETA: 1.45pm (factoring in 15 min comfort/cigarette break)
Actual Arrival Time: 3.15pm :w00t:
Ideal route out to the twisties: A13 east, North Circ, A113
Actual route taken: A10 north!!
As many will know, the A10 is a horrible road and undoubtedly the slowest route out of town - mainly single carriage way and traffic lights every few hundred yards, everyone one of which turned to red as we approached them. Unfortunately Mr Jet did not seem to know this and I felt it rude to point it out to him when the only reason he was on it was because he had been so kind as to come and collect me. I also initially assumed there was a method to this apparent madness! Traffic was heavy and drizzle turned to rain. The repeated accelerating and braking due to the traffic lights took their toll on my knees and ankles. To relieve the pressure and by now considerable pain to my damaged leg I tried to overcompensate with the other leg. Result considerable pain in both legs! :crying:
Despite the pain, despite the weather, despite riding pillion and despite the trials of the bloody A10, I was back on a bike and it felt good
This increased 10 fold by the time we (eventually) hit the North Circ and were able to get some speed up and then we were out on to the twisties. I recognised the route all the way from where we exited the North Circ through to Chipping Ongar and up towards Great Dunmow, beyond that I was lost. As it turned out so was Mr Jet!! :w00t: From memory I know we then turned south and took in the sites of the outskirts of Chelmsford, down to Billericay across to Wickford, and eventually north to Tiptree.
After a couple of hours I needed a comfort break, so signalled to Mr J and we found a petrol station. As I mentioned earlier I was wearing jeans, weather reports promised light drizzle transforming imminently to cloud - they lied. 
Shortly before the comfort stop, rain had been pooling in some gathered material in the waistband of my jacket, this then overflowed and travelled straight down the back of my jeans - it occurred to me that when I got off the bike it would indeed appear that I had already ‘relieved’ myself!! Also, whilst we were still in London I had been able to stretch out my agonised legs every time we hit a set of traffic lights, since joining the North Circ, I had barely done it more than once or twice. As I unravelled and extended my aching limbs from underneath me - the true agony of being in one position for so long hit me - HARD!:crying: Hence, dismounting the bike became even more of a challenge than getting on it. After repeated attempts to allow one leg to take the weight while I cocked my leg over the back I had to concede defeat. In a very ungainly fashion I leaned forward and gently manouvered my ‘good’ leg behind me and slid off the back of the bike like a sack of spuds! Taking with me all of the muck and filth that had sprayed up.:pinch: This endeavour was accompanied by sounds, that would normally only be heard between 2 people, behind closed doors!! These sounds would become a regular occurrence throughout the day! Anyway, once I had stretched and bent my legs a few times I started to walk. As I said, it already looked like I had ‘relieved’ myself, now with all of the muck from Mr J’s bike all over my jeans, when I eventually got moving, it could only be compared to the gait of someone who had s**t themselves and here was I with a considerable amount of incriminating evidence to back up the theory!
To add insult to injury the petrol station had a big Tesco shop attached - the shop was busy and the loos were right at the end - I attracted some interesting looks as I shuffled my way over to them! After a desperately needed cigarette break, I steeled myself to remount the bike. I had learnt from earlier what worked best and actually got on with relative ease, but once I moved my feet backwards onto the pegs, my agony returned. Apparently at this point we were only 30 miles from Tiptree -this may have been accurate at the time, but turned out not to be the case.:crying: With the rain and the agonising pain this is the first time on a bike when I have wanted to ask repeatedly like a 5 year old “Are we nearly there yet?!!”
So, after nearly three and a half hours we eventually arrived for lunch! Again I had the further agony of dismounting and then we had another cigarette. Whilst I was enjoying this and the relief of being off the bike, I noticed some ladies in the tea room staring at us. I assumed this was because of my greatly dishevelled appearance - wet, straggly hair and by now completely sodden jeans.
We finally entered the tea room to be greeted by the manager and asked if we were Chris and Ally, confused we confirmed that we were and then suddenly the entire staff (about 10 lovely ladies) formed into a semi-circle and started singing Happy Birthday to us with great gusto - they had been staring at us wondering when we would finally come inside! It was really lovely and one of the best and most enthusiastic welcomes I have ever received and certainly helped to revive my spirits. All of this had been arranged of course by the lovely Mrs J.
We then had a lovely lunch of brie and bacon toasted sarnies (can highly recommend) followed by sharing a delicious cream tea.
Bellies satisfied and dues paid we set off home. Knowing full well how painful the journey would be for me, I respectfully requested that we take the most direct route possible (A12, M25,A13) and now that I had built up my pillion confidence, that Mr J not spare the, horses. Let’s just say that our journey back was considerably faster than the route out, for which my legs are truly thankful. Safely back home Mr J and I bid our fair wells and Mr J set off - or at least he tried to. She wouldn’t start :crying: Mr J decided to let her rest for a few minutes, so we had another cigarette and then crossing fingers and toes, we willed her to breathe again - and thankfully she did. Mr J later text me to say they had both got home safe and well.
So, many thanks to Mr J for taking me out to play on my/our Birthday. Despite being cold, wet and in more pain than when I had my off I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Thanks again to Mrs J for organising a boost to my sprits when I was badly in need of it and respect to Mrs J for being able to sit on that bike for hours at a time, even without damaged legs, I can’t imagine it being very comfy.
Lessons learnt: Unless it is the height of summer and sunshine is forecast for the entire day, take your romper suit every time you venture more than a few miles from home.When you suffer an injury, don’t get back on a bike too earlyIf you ignore the last point, make your first outing a very short one, to test how ready you really are. With a lower leg injury, probably best not to make your first outing on a sports bike, with the accompanying riding position, unless you are: a) already well used to it b) going a very short distance, c) much more limber than I am d) have a much greater pain threshold than I do or e) are a practicing masochist!
