MotoGP Preview (funny)

From another site:

(19/07/2006)

‘Get lost y’pesky two-stroke critters - this is the land of freedom, justice with extra-fries and we don’t do annoying little euro-engines.’ Or that’s how the unofficial line goes anyway.

That’s right folks, it’s that time again - time to park up the Chevy, sit back with a keg of Bud Ice and feast your eyes on the patriotic propaganda parade that is the MotoGP world series of Laguna Seca.

The 125 and 250 boys can’t come though. In their spotty faces. Why? Well two reasons. For a start there’d be too many foreigners from troublesome ‘the axis of diesel’ areas (e.g. Spain, Syria and Italy) crossing the border - this would no doubt raise level of security from ‘Crimson Red’ to ‘Scarlet Red’ and cause widespread panic and raise the cost of oil a few dollars. Secondly we have the ‘whining sound’ of the strokers - sort of like Biaggi and Foggy trapped in a helium room. To a none-American the shrill screech of a two-stroke signifies a pure racing motorcycle but to a yank it has to be an oversized lazy V-Twin four-stroke or it’s just not baseball.

This year the Laguna circuit has improved its safety raising it from category ‘alarming dangerous’ to category ‘a great place not to crash’. But safety aside the circuit is, unlike James Ellison, something special. That special circuit has one, very impressive highlight - an area that all the fans trackside will be eagerly pushing their way to get to - the food court just over the bridge from BBQ Island (< I kid you not).

Racing wise the overstated ‘Corkscrew’ corner is the highlight of the circuit - it’s a left-right chicane that drops down faster than a drunken Xaus on a unicycle.
Even the mighty Foggy heaped praise on the section describing it as ‘a corner that goes downhill’. Amazing words from the GP shy rider who managed five words without using ‘I’ anywhere.

So, the race then. Championship wise there’s little to gain and so much to lose for leaders Hayden and Rossi:-

Hayden
The American Alain Prost just can not afford to be beaten by Rossi here as it will rub sodium into his crop yield. Since the beginning of the season it’s long been presumed that his tractor would be first past the barn-line. Last season he scored his debut win after a million attempts and never looked like being beaten all weekend. This season few could deny he’s riding even better.
But last year there was no pressure. No one expected him to win - least of all HRC who were all busy on the Spanish chatrooms grooming Pedrosa. This year the pressure is mounting and it’ll be a real test of the farm hand’s character to hold his nerve. If not, and Rossi beats him, the flood gates will open, Rossi will win the championship and the record books will not claim that 2006 was ‘a blip’ year.

Rossi
The curly head of Rossi knows that this is Hayden’s ace-card. He’ll also know that if odour can defeat inbreeding then he’ll have broken Hayden’s moral. But it’s not gonna be easy. Should Rossi push his haircut too far and crash, or more likely finish well down, his championship hopes will be thinner than a Scottish ‘World Cup Successes’ book. It’s a fine line…

So who else could mix it? Well Hooligan Hopper, McJunior and Wingbag Edwards will all no doubt be extra fired up in front of the millions of chilli-dogs around the circuit. Furthermore all three of them have a beef with Hayden and would love to humiliate him - but will they stand a chance? Probably not.

And then we have the other Honda boys of which Hardman Melandri will probably figure strongest. But will they beat Hayden? Probably not. But they could all beat Rossi which would suit farmboy and his lord-it-up family down to the ground.

Great write-up, Fridayman, very enjoyable. Thanks. Fingers crossed that Rossi can make the Yanks eat a bit of humble

I just lifted that from another site - not my words.

LOL, brilliant work!

Very well said and very true. Love the attitude.

Good lifting,