Monday jockes for your amusement

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:

“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I
don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.
Any comments?”

His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night …whether you’re
here or not.”

(DAMN SHE’S GOOD!)


Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that
reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

“Yeah?” she replies. "When you die, I’m getting you a headstone
that reads:
“Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last”

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)


Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed
either,” and storms out of the house.

After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends
and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
irritated husband says, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”

She says, “I was in bed.”

“In bed this early, doing what?”

“Getting a second opinion!”

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)


Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, “Mother
of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go
home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home ‘Mother of
Six?’

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shouts
right back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four.”

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)


Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early
morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 am” He left it where
he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
draft before the masterpiece.

hehehehe, very good Cazar

Cezar

Clearly you have been hen pecked. We neeed some anti wife jokes to even things out.

Please help me Dan! I would love to have a payback time, lol
They sent me loads of those feinists emails… lol

He He