Taken from a book called ‘Disorder in the American Courts’:

LAWYER: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

LAWYER: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 15th.
LAWYER: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
LAWYER: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

LAWYER: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
LAWYER: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
LAWYER: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

LAWYER: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
WITNESS: We both do.
LAWYER: Voodoo?
LAWYER: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

LAWYER: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?


LAWYER: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

LAWYER: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

LAWYER: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he

doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

LAWYER: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.

LAWYER: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you ******** me?

LAWYER: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?


LAWYER: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid!

LAWYER: She had three children, right?


LAWYER: How many were boys?


LAWYER: Were there any girls?

W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different LAWYER.

Can I get a new LAWYER?

LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

LAWYER: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

LAWYER: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

LAWYER: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

Notice which I sent to your LAWYER?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead


WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

LAWYER: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?


LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

LAWYER: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

And the best was saved for last:

LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?


LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure?


LAWYER: Did you check for breathing?


LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?


LAWYER: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

LAWYER: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing Law



Very good :smiley:


Best collection I’ve seen in a while.:):slight_smile: