Jokes of the day!

Imaging my joy when getting out the christmas decorations i came across a present that i had forgot to give the kids last year!!!..Their faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and upon opening it found a puppy!

Aliens are abducting men with huge ****! But you’ll be fine and i am just saying goodbye.

Two gay men. One dies. His partner asks for his loves body to be made into a curry!!!..When i asked why, he replied that he just wanted to feel him dribble out of his backside one last time.

Dont think i will be taking my teddy on holliday to Sudan…Not since i named him smellysuicidebombingblackmuslimtwat.

A little guy was sat in the pub the other night when all of a sudden a thug appears and smacks the guy in the face and says “thats kung fu from japan”. The thug leaves but only to return sometime later and smacks him again and says “thats karate from korea”. The little guy gets up, dusta himself off and runs out of the pub and returns a short time later and smacks the thug, knocking him out cold. He tells the barman “when that c$$t wakes up tell him that was a shovel from B&Q”.

Paddy was in the pub telling his mate about joining the army and his 1st parachute jump.

He said "we was up about 30,000 feet, and one by one they started to jump. It came to Paddies turn and he lost his nerve and begged the jump sergant to let him off.

It was then that Paddy heard a voice from behind from the big black bloke, the darkie pulled out his 12’’ love muscle and said to Paddy "if you dont jump, then i am going to stick this up your arse.

Paddies mate asked ‘well did you jump’,?

Paddy said “just a little when he first put it in!!!”