The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU rather than German,which was the
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year
phase in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”.
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”… Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard “c” will be dropped in favor of the “k”. This should klear up
konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome “ph” will be replaced with the “f”. This will make words
like “fotograf” 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”'s in the
language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th”
with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords
kontaiining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!