A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question…
"What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: “Definitely not!”
WIFE: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?”
HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”
WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”
HUSBAND: “Okay, okay, I’d get married again.”
WIFE: “You would?” (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: “Would you live in our house?”
HUSBAND: “Sure, it’s a great house.”
WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”
HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?”
WIFE: “Would you let her drive my car?”
HUSBAND: “Probably, it is almost new.”
WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?”
HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do”
WIFE: “Would you give her my jewellery?”
HUSBAND: “No, I’m sure she’d want her own.”
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: “Yes, those are always good times.”
WIFE: "Would you let her use my clubs?
HUSBAND: “No, she’s left-handed.”
WIFE: – silence –
I was at a party and was introduced to the director of our local mental institution (ace cafe!!)…as we talked i asked
me: How do you decide which patients can be accepted into your establishment
him: We fill a bath up, then offer the patient a teaspoon, a teacup or a bucket. then ask them to empty the bath for us.
me, oh, i see, i suppose a “normal” person would take the bucket, cos you can empty the bath quicker, as its the biggest appliance
him: err…no…a “normal” person would pull the plug out…which bed would you prefer, one by the window?
Rich woman out for a drive with her chauffeur, gets a flat tyre. He gets out and after 15 mins struggling to get the hub cap off, she leans out and says, “would you prefer a screwdriver?” he says, “might as well, i cant get this f**ing wheel off”…hee hee
Prof of maths, sends a text to his wife, it reads, “ur 54 yrs old u can no longer satisfy my needs so when you get this text i will be in a motel with my 18 yr old assistant, i will be home late”
Wife send back reply "Ur also 54 yrs old, and by the time you get THIS text, i also will be with my 18 yr old toyboy…youre the mathmatician so you will know that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18…dont wait up…floppy knob !! :P:w00t: