For anyone who has ever cheated, is thinking about cheating or has been party to cheating...

Off-topic
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this is me bearing my soul because I need to do something cathartic and the only thing I can think of is maybe trying to explain how it affects you if you have been cheated on and perhaps offer food for thought because no one ever comes out and talks about the damage it does to the party cheated on.

None of you know me but anyone that does usually describes me thus: full of joie de vivre, fearless, vibrant, loves and embraces life more than anyone, multi-faceted, confident, sexy, energetic, trusting, passionate.

6 months ago I found out my partner cheated on me, and the person I feel I have become now is vastly different from what I was. I have not felt any of the above since then. I now look in the mirror and dont recognise myself, I hate myself and I hate life. I dont feel beautiful or sexy, I am terrified of anyone, I question everything. I cant motivate myself to do any of the things I love, I hate life, some days I have felt suicidal. And all because someone who said they loved me and thought I was special decided that I wasnt special enough to protect and ripped me to shreds. The worst part is, I was happy, I didnt see it coming so happiness is no longer a safe emotion, I dont trust it, if I feel it, I become afraid it will be ripped away again so I can no longer enjoy it. I feel pointless, useless, because if you are that dispensable or that replaceable than your sense of self worth just vanishes. I cannot trust anyone because if anyone had any idea how much I trusted and respected this man, more than anyone I have ever been with, they would understand why I feel irreparably damaged.

Women, dont believe a man if he says the relationship is not going well because the chances are he is lying. And even if he is not, the relationship may have hit a bump in the road that without your interference, it may survive. And even if it is not going to survive, circling like a vulture waiting to pick at the remains and benefit from someone elses pain is pretty sick. Who does that??? There is no good reason to breach the boundaries with a a man who is with someone.

So please, if you meet a someone that has a partner, keep a respectable distance, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and dont interact with a someone in such a way that if the shoe was on the other foot, you would find yourself feeling uncomfortable. Dont go after a person that is attached, dont flirt with them and feed their ego. The ego is such a fragile beast that it is easily tempted.

To anyone who has been cheated on, I would say cut your losses, get out now. I tried for 6 months to get over it and move but you lose the love, respect and faith you had in that person. The fear, hurt and anger generated becomes all consuming. Every time you look at the person, you will be reminded of what they did and how they hurt you. It will feel like you are losing but it takes an extremely strong person to get through to the other side, more likely, it will break you even further.

If every woman tomorrow said that they would not get involved with a man who was attached, they would have no avenue for cheating and as woman, I believe we should stick together.

Sorry guys, I know some women cheat too but this is from my perspective. And given that I have seen so many men cheat recently to people close to me, I feel very jaded.

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HUH?

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Tanya is obviously upset and venting / warning others after a shitty personal experience…

Tanya - hope it works out for you. When your head is clear, get out for a blast.

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have you met anyone else yet?

Often people recess into the depths of their lives after something devastating.

Once the hole is once filled again, there is once again room to grow into, and become, the “you” you once were, or the “you” you want to be…

I’m only young, but I broke up with my girlfriend not too long ago, we were together a fair old while… For weeks on end I would wake up, do what I needed (if i could even be bothered to do that) and then go back to being my grumpy old self. There was a big hole in my life. Then I met this girl and everything started looking brighter again.

I guess the biggest problem with getting over stuff was that I feared that my next relationship would be just as problematic as the last and that “all girls will screw me over”. As a very wise man once said “the biggest fear is fear itself”, once you start meeting someone who you genuinely appreciate and like and think “well, maybe I could give this a go” then the big gap in your life starts getting filled… At the moment you’re probably thinking “all guys cheat, all guys are dicks etc etc etc”, even if you know it’s not true… it suits you to think it.

Things will get better, you just gotta give em a chance to :smiley:

Chin up.

Chris

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The end of a long term relationship can feel like a bereavement.

It’s totallly normal to feel the way you do. The old cliche about time being a great healer is true - so just hang in there.

On a practical note - try not to dwell on it - you’ll end up getting into a negative feedback loop - think instead about the other positive things you have going on in your life - family, friends, health etc.

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Tanya- great post!

Trust me though it’s really not just girls that go through this stuff. Women can be complete bitches too you know…

Having been through similar things in the past I’d say accepting the new you is the only option. Time does heal eventually but to be absolutely honest you will most likely have to accept this as an emotional scar that will be with you for a while…possibly years. The trick is to accept and get on with your life. :slight_smile:

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Buy a new motorbike :w00t:

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My past two relationships I have been cheated on, both times 3 years+ into it all. So girls are equally as quilty. However I would say once you get too a certain age late 20’s early 30’s - guys still feel like 18yr olds and are clinging onto it with all their might where as women start looking for security/family. This is clearly a massive generalisation.

In short I know how it feels to be on the receiving end, but I don’t really buy into the bit in your post around don’t go for someone that has a partner etc, think how they would feel. Ultimately the buck stops with the person in a relationship cheating, and the key is to be in the right relationship, with the right person where any unwanted attention doesn’t effect either of you.

You can’t spend the whole time making sure no one shows your partner some attention, you need to be 100% sure that if someone does then they will ignore it otherwise it’s a horrible place to be.

Keep your chin up. :slight_smile:

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Hey tanya,

Its very sad you feel that way.

In short when i was about 17 i got stamped all over and a very wise man told me the following and i have lived a very happy life by it.

Most people are weak, and are tempted, this is normal, its not easy to stay faithful, it takes intelligence and determination. Generally speaking its like seeing an open till full of money, 80% of people would not take any out, even if they knew there was a 90% chance they would get away with it, but some people are to weak and give in.

These people should be avoided, they are not bad people just weak and if you find yourself with an individual like this then just smile and move on, its nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, and generally speaking these people can often be spotted and there personality will show other signs of similar weakness.

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Its healthy to vent this kind of stuff i know from experience.

best thing you can do Mrs is get out with your mates and surround yourself with people who care for you. took me 6 months and the loss of 4 stone but i came out the other end.

Retail therapy helps, i treated myself to fully kitted Ducati 748R, but seeing as you’ve got a bike already i’d suggest booking something you’ve always wanted to do.

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What did ya do Leon?

Did heads roll?!

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Hug ya bike, Love ya bike, Ride ya bike…It will always cheer you up :slight_smile:

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I had a different experience with a long term partner. We met, both working in a pub, and after a while I couldn’t even talk to a punter that was ordering something or I would be accused of trying to cheat. This went on for 18 months and numerous break ups as I couldn’t stand the jealousy.

It took me a year+ to get over it but I eventually did. Anyone who knows me knows that I can’t stand cheating or cheaters as my dad was caught numerous times doing it when I was young and it has left lots of emotional scars on the kids and myself.

My ex knew this and still accused me of wanting to cheat. Never did and never will, but I still told her to get Fooked…:crazy:

take ur new bike out on some LB rideouts. It’ll sooth the soul :smiley:

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Quite accurate in this thread!

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Really sorry to hear, and hope to see you on a rideout soon - helps clear the mind and bring back a smile.

Something someone told me is “the sweetest revenge is successful living”, so hope this won’t hold you back for long and you’ll bounce back better.

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already done that :slight_smile:

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as charlie sheene would say :w00t:

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Enjoy it in the sunshine:kiss:

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See, this is what I dont get, this man has fought tooth and nail to keep me, wanted me to move in with him, marry him, and he said the reason he cheated was because, and this is the bitter twist, is because his ex cheated on him and damaged his ego. He felt unwanted and useless. So along comes this girl who flirts with him and gives him lots of attention and now he has two women massaging his ego and yes, he crossed a line but this girl should not have crossed the line. Everyone has a choice about whether to act like an asshole and she acted like a big one. ultimately: do unto others as you would have done unto you. Simples :slight_smile: