I guess you lot on at the moment are at work like i am? it’s really dead on here today huh? any jokes knocking about?
What do you call a chicken in a shell suit???
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An egg!!! crap I know.
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman walk up to a bar, and the barman says:
“Is this a joke?”
Bud dum Tsch! 
That’s about as good as I’ve got I’m afraid 
Has been quiet in here today, weather had been pretty good so i guess peeps are out and about
A Vampire bat flys back into the cave, his mouth and little chin smoothered in blood…all the other bats start getting al excited ‘where you been!, wheers all that blood from!!’ i show you if you like …all the others nod excitedly ‘show us!..show us!..’
so off the fly out of the cave, over teh river, through the valleyand into the forest…see that tree…yeah! yeah!’ they all say…Well i FECKING DIDNT!!:D:D:D:D:hehe:
A bunch of children come back to the classroom after their lunch break. The teacher ask’s “what did you all do at lunchtime?”
Little Suzy raises her arm and say’s “I played in the sandbox!”
“Very good Suzy. If you can spell ‘Sand’ on the blackboard, I’ll give you a biscuit.” Suzy writes Sand on the board and get’s her biscuit.
Little Johnny says “I also played in the sandbox with Suzy!”
“OK Johnny, if you can spell ‘Box’ on the blackboard you can also have a biscuit!” Johnny spell’s Box and get’s a biscuit!
The teacher say’s “What about you Mohammed, did you also play in the sandbox with the other’s?”
“No” say’s Mohammed, “every time I went near the sandbox, they called me names and threw things at me! They wouldn’t let me play with them!”
“That’s terrible Mohammed! It sound’s like blatant racial discrimination!” say’s the teacher…
“But, if you can spell ‘Blatant Racial Discrimination’ on the blackboard I’ll give you a biscuit!!!” :w00t: :w00t:
Went on a nice big ride today, Wessons then via Beachy Head over to Rye returning via Maidstone. Loverly
I went on a ride that started like self-flagellation; followed the satnav route to Box Hill from N5, thus going right through Islington, Holborn, West End, Knightsbridge, Flahm and Putney to the A3. On a Saturday. Sick, that. Once off the A3, it was fun 
Bloke turns up at a fancy dress party in his underpants, carrying a naked girl on his back. He rings the doorbell and the party host answers it, saying “It’s a fancy dress party mate, you’re supposed to be in fancy dress”. The bloke says “I am in fancy dress, I’m a Ninja Turtle”. The host goes “Oh yeah? Well, who’s that on your back then?”. Bloke says “That’s Michelle.”
Ba-dum-tish.
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when
suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the
Lord said, ‘Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I
will grant you one wish.’
The biker pulled over and said, ‘Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want.’
The Lord said, ‘Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little
more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.’
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, ‘Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand
women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when
she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when
she says nothing’s wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help,
and how I can make a Woman truly happy.’
The Lord replied, ‘You want two lanes or four on that bridge?’