How do you define optimism?
A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.
What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? The pizza can still feed a family of four.
What’s the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a new Ferrari.
The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. The car’s been repossessed.
What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can’t sell anything?
A Quarter-pounder with fries, please.
Overheard in a City bar: ‘This credit crunch is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.’
The bank returned a cheque to me this morning, stamped: ‘insufficient funds.’
Is it them or me?
You know it’s a credit crunch when…
The ATM asks if you can spare any change.
There’s a ‘buy one, get one free’ offer - on banks.
The IRS is offering a 25 per cent discount for cash-payers.
Your builder asks to be paid in Zimbabwean dollars rather than US dollars, UK Sterling or Euro.
A young man asked an elderly rich man how he made his money. 'Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last penny, so I invested that penny in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold that apple for ten pennies. 'The next morning I bought two apples, spent the day polishing them and sold them for 20 pennies. I continued this for a month, by which time I’d accumulated a fortune of £1.37. 'Then my wife’s father died and left us £2 million.
What have an Icelandic bank and an Icelandic streaker got in common?
They both have frozen assets
