Was playing deck chess on the ferry to Bilbao. Several pieces were missing so we had to improvise. Another biker/fellow traveller approached and asked us if we`d thrown the porn overboard! Julie was well upset until I explained he was refering to a missing pawn not my secret cache of girly mags!

Now every time we play chess I suffer from impotence.

Can anyone offer any really sensible advice about what moves/ openning gambits might help alleviate my symptoms.

Obviously you’re using the wrong chess set.

Get one of these and you can even play with yourself ;):

Thanks. These might work, the ones on the ferry were nothing like this!

Are they washable?

Shame there are no nuns or whores on zebras.

Do you know where we can get a set on a thursday evening? No funny comments please we`re desperate.

yes but be careful to use plenty of starch in order to maintain the stiffness

Thanks for the advice Mate

I gather you can get one with assorted farm animals in sexy poses, in a 24hr garage near Ruislip

Thanks, sounds good, unfortunately we`re involved in a game of backgammon, long background story but similar outcome. Any thoughts?

everybody knows that sex and games named after pieces of meat do not mix

try wii-ing

Sorry to disagree, but Steaks and Larders is fun!