Bored !!

Two men are robbing a hotel. “I hear sirens. Jump!” says the first one. “But we’re on the 13th floor!” his fellow thief replies. “This is no time to be superstitious!”

A penguin takes his car to a mechanic because there is a funny noise coming from under the bonnet.
“Leave it with me,” says the mechanic. “Come back in 20 minutes.”
So, off goes the penguin. It’s a pretty hot day, and he’s a cool weather kind of guy so on spotting an ice cream van he goes and buys himself a 99. Now, penguins aren’t very good at eating ice creams – the lack of opposable thumbs makes it tricky. So by the time the penguin has finished his 99, he is completely covered in ice cream. It is all over his beak and all over his flippers. Feeling a little sticky, he goes back to the garage.
“Oh, hello,” says the mechanic, wiping his hands on a cloth.
“Hello,” replies the penguin. “Was it anything serious?”
“Not really, but it looks like you’ve blown a seal.”
“Oh no, no, no!” says the penguin, wiping his mouth. “It’s just ice cream.”

Two pi££ed up Paddys break in to London Zoo !!

Fergus= Hey Mickaal look at da size of dat bastid tiger der bejesus !!

Mickaal= I,ll move da fooker Fergas watch dis ya bastid !!

He aims a brick right on to the tigers heed !!!

Oh for fooks sake Fergus run ya Ejit !!

I aint fooking running ya bastid

I didnt trow it !!

A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her doctor.
Doctor: “What is your dream about?”
Blonde: “I am being chased by a vampire…”
Doctor: “So, where are you in this dream?”
Blonde: “I am running in a hallway.”
Doctor: “Then what happens?”
Blonde: “Well, that’s the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can’t open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won’t budge!”
Doctor: “Does the door have any letters on it?”
Blonde: “Yes.”
Doctor: “And what do these letter spell?”

Blonde: “P… U… L… L…”

What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant? Angus McCoatup

What do you call 100 nuns in a shop? Virgin Megastore.

What’s the most dangerous insect? The hepatitis bee

Two nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire jumps onto the bonnet.

The nun who is driving says to the other, “Quick! Show him your cross.”

So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, “Get off our f*cking car.”

Oi, careful…

Bored again !!

…But im really really bored

Man Goes to the Gym Instructor and Says

“i want you to teach me how to do the splits”

Gym Instructor says:

“Well how flexible are you?”

Man Says:

“well i cant make tuesdays!”


even mindless violence seems boring today !!!