The Biker Lifestyle
• Many of us are irritable most of the time (unless we’re in love or have just bought a motorcycle).
• Yes, it’s fast. No, you can’t ride it.
• Chrome don’t get you home.
• Above ground, and on a motorcycle. Life is good!!
• Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul.
• Bikers and veterans go hand-in-hand and I can assure you that we will never forget that rumbling sound you hear when a group of bikes come together is not noise sir, it is the harmony of brotherhood coming together for a purpose and cause.
• You never see a motorcycle parked outside a psychiatrist’s office.
• People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to harass rich woman then motorcyclists.
• There are two types of people in the world: people who ride motorcycles and people who wished they could ride motorcycles.
• Keep the paint up and the rubber down.
• Bikers have more fun than people.
• You start the game with a full pot of luck and an empty pot of experience. The object is to fill the pot of experience before you empty the pot of luck.
• Sometimes the best communication happens when you’re on separate bikes.
• People are like motorcycles, each is customized a bit differently.
• Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to ride in the rain!
• Never mistake horsepower for staying power.
• Better to wear out then rust away.
• There is nothing more obscene than a new bike on a trailer.
• A good rider has balance, judgment, and good timing. So does a good lover.
• Pie and coffee are as important as petrol.
• Never argue with a woman holding a torque wrench.
• I’d rather be riding my motorcycle thinking about God then sitting in church thinking about my motorcycle.
• Ride as if your life depended on it!
• May all your encounters with the law begin with the words, nice motorcycle.
• It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.
• Whatever it is, it’s better in the wind.
• To ride are not to ride? What a stupid question!
• Sometimes it takes a whole tankful of fuel before you can think straight.
• Live to ride. Ride to live.
• If you don’t ride, then you don’t know.
• Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window.
• If the person in the next lane at the stoplight rolls up the window and locks the door, support their view of life by snarling at them.
• Work to ride and ride to work.
• If she changes her oil more than she changes her mind, follow her.
• You can forget what you do for living when your knees are in the breeze.
• No matter what bike you ride, it’s all the same wind.
• Riding a motorcycle is like playing chess. Anyone can learn the moves, but it takes a lifetime to master the game.
• Remember to pay as much attention to your partner as you do your carburettor.
• I want to leave this world the same way I came into it, screaming and covered in blood.
• Life is too short for traffic.
• A biker can smell a party 5,000 miles away.
• You’ll know she loves you if she offers to let you ride her bike. Don’t do it and she’ll love you even more.
• Just another day in Paradise!
• There are two roads in life; the twisty one is vastly more fun.
On the Road
• If you don’t have bugs in your teeth, you haven’t been grinning enough!
• Never ask a biker for directions if you’re in a hurry to get there.
• If you’re going to lead, then lead. If you’re going to follow, get the hell out of my way!
• The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome.
• Always back your bike into the curb and sit where you can see it.
• When you look down the road, it seems to never end but you better believe it does.
• If the countryside seems boring, stop, get off your bike, and go sit in a ditch long enough to appreciate what was here before the asphalt came.
• Don’t lead the pack unless you know where you’re going.
• Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they can hold everything you need.
• Don’t argue with an 18-wheeler.
• A good long ride can clear your mind, restore your faith, and use up a lot of fuel.
• Sleep with one arm through the spokes and keep your pants on.
• If you ride like there’s no tomorrow, there won’t be.
• If you want to complain about the pace being set by the road captain, you better be prepared to lead the group yourself.
• Sweat wipes off. Road rash doesn’t.
• Never be afraid to slow down.
• A bike on the road is worth two in the shed.
• Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don’t. Some can’t.
• Catching a yellow jacket in your shirt at 70mph can double your vocabulary.
• When you’re riding lead, don’t spit.
• If you don’t ride in the rain, you don’t ride.
• Never do less than forty miles before breakfast.
• There are those who have crashed and there are those who will crash.
• Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you’ll ride alone.
• Kansas: home of the highway with 318 miles and 11 curves.
• The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rear view mirror.
• A motorcycle can’t sing on the streets of a city.
• Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.
• Well trained reflexes are quicker than luck.
• If you really want to know what’s going on, watch what’s happening at least five cars ahead.
• It’s all about the journey, not the destination.
• Asphalt, the world’s fastest tattoo remover.
• If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
• The slower you go, the longer it lasts.
In the Garage
• Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking.
• Routine maintenance should never be neglected.
• Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle.
• A good mechanic will let you watch without charging you for it.
• Always replace the cheapest parts first.
• Practice wrenching on your own bike.
• Winter is nature’s way of telling you to polish.
• Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 50 weight motor oil.
• If you can’t get it going with bungee cords and electrician’s tape, it’s serious.
• Two bikes are useful because at least one can be raided for parts at any given time.
• Maintenance is as much art as it is science.
• Bikes don’t leak oil, they mark their territory.
• Beware the rider who says the bike never breaks down.
• You only need two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn’t, use duct tape.
• If the bike isn’t braking properly, you don’t start by rebuilding the engine.
• A friend is someone who will get out of bed at 2 AM to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you’re broken down.
About Older Bikers
• Learning to ride at 41 is better than never learning to ride at all!
• You don’t stop riding because you’re getting old, but you get old when you stop riding.
• There are drunk riders. There are old riders. There are no old, drunk riders.
• Grey-haired riders don’t get that way from pure luck.
• You know you’ve hit middle-age when you’re told to slow down - by your doctor, not a policeman.
• Young riders pick a destination and go, old riders pick a direction and go.
• Don’t mess with old bikers. They don’t just look crazy.
• As I get older and more fragile, my bikes get bigger, heavier, and more powerful.
• Never try to race an old geezer, he may have one more gear then you.