3 not so innocent jokes!

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get to the cabin, the guy goes out to chop some wood to start the fireplace. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!” To that she replies “Well, come here and I’ll warm them between my legs.” He goes out a couple of more times and does the same thing. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says, “Honey, my hands are really freezing!” She looks at him and says, “For crying out loud, don’t your ears ever get cold?”


Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen’s voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician; the King’s chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen’s voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and was touted as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn’t have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made. The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King’s shorts.

The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer…

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad,
>> how many kinds of boobies are there?
>> The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there’s three kinds of
>> breasts:
>> In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
>> In her Thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but
>> hanging
>> a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
>> “Onions?”
>> “Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”
>> This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mum,
>> how
>> many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”
>> The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes
>> through three phases:
>> In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
>> In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.
>> After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
>> “A Christmas tree?”
>> “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”

PMSL… I like the last one the best!!! Nice one Cezar…

Nice one cezzar, did like the Dragon Slayer

We like!

Joke number 2 was my fav.