1000 Things not to say right after sex !

i’ll start…

  1. My girlfriend’s gonna kill me!!!
  1. You sure you’ve done this before?
  1. How much?
  1. oops, sorry
  1. Is that it? (I want my money back…)
  1. Your as good as your sister if not better.


Now, can I take your daugther out?

Funnest one I’ve ever actually heard though a door is…

“ooooh, it’s in my hair!”

You’ve got to be kidding me… (Girl1 kicked me)

(phone rings) Hello? Oh nothing and you?.. (Girl2 kicked me out of her bed)

I’m sobering up and you’re getting ugly!.. (Girl 3 kicked me out of the house)

Was that smell coming from you… (I got smarter by Girl4 and sent it by text)

dont worry, it only flares up occasionally

Get yer knickers on, get in that kitchen and make me a cup of tea, now bitch!

You’re nearly as good as your mum!

Mo, you listen to couples doing it, through doors? How worrying!

his mum is pretty loud

“can I have my watch back”


who farthed?

You mop up I’m going to sleep

did you feel the scabs?